Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, a nationally known positive psychologist, is quoted in the October/November 2007 issue of Heart and Soul magazine. The article, titled “What is Happy?”, discusses seven ways to happiness, with quotes by Dr. Holstein throughout. A few of the quotes:
THE CULTURE CRISIS
…The answer (to the pursuit of happiness for black women), says positive psychology expert Barbara Becker Holstein*, is to discover and love your authentic self-a skill many black women may already possess.
FINDING OUR JOY
"All women need genuine connections to themselves," says Becker-Holstein, who has dedicated her career to creating a positive psychology for women. "But society tries to break that connection early in life. In America, by age 13, girls are already getting external messages to copy celebrities and give up their little girl treasures. We’ve been defined as a second-class culture and had our self-esteem suppressed with messages about marrying men with money and valuing ourselves through our looks. To be truly happy, every woman needs a life that supports the inner voice that sustains her hopes and dreams."
HERE’S HOW
LAY YOUR FOUNDATION
…. (Mattie Miller) ….I learned to project happiness, and sometimes I think that helped me get it in return. I made a conscious decision to have a good life."
That determination, says Becker-Holstein, author of The Enchanted Self: A Positive Therapy, is an important part of building a happy life. "Be assertive, get an education, decide on a profession, protect yourself economically. Take responsibility for establishing the life you want."
GIVE OF YOURSELF
"Positive action and good deeds matter," Becker-Holstein says, "Forgive, be helpful, smile at people-it’s all the more likely”, as Miller learned, "that your happiness will be returned."
No matter where you are in life, "almost all of us are capable of being happy," Becker-Holstein continues, "if we can learn to truly bring pleasure, replenishment and self-care into our lives."
The full article can be found in the Heart and Soul Magazine October/November 2007 issue and is available via their website or on newsstands now. More quotes from Dr. Holstein can be found on her website at www.enchantedself.com.
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Bird’s Eye View of THE ENCHANTED SELF and what it means to YOU! – Part 1
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by: Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein
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| The Rebbe Nachman of Breslow often said, “Always remember-Joy is not merely incidental to your spiritual quest. It is vital.”
As the years have gone by and I’ve been in the practice of psychology over 20 years, I have become more and more convinced that he was so right, that joy is not an option. When we take away joy and we take away a sense of well-being, a sense that we are thriving, we allow ourselves or seem to find ourselves in circumstances that seem to drain, tire and weaken us. We are no longer the whole human being that is our birthright!
THE ENCHANTED SELF is a positive psychology approach to mental health that works both in the treatment room and out. I teach people the techniques they need to start to think in positive ways about themselves and their world. Thus I teach them how to see what is right about themselves, rather than what is wrong. I also teach them to appreciate their own life story, its ups and downs; the roller coaster ride that we all go on. I teach how to value our potential even if in childhood we were put down or criticized, as so many of us are.
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8. What makes you happy? Review your life for
times when you absolutely had a ball, says positive
psychologist Barbara Becker Holstein, Ed.D. Maybe
you were four and rolling down a hill. Or you were
25 and laughing with friends so hard you cried. Or
was it yesterday building a snowman with your
grandchild? Reinvent that moment to fit you now.
Perhaps you don’t want to roll down the hill.
But you may wish to be more active. Time for tango lessons?
Laughing: Watch a funny movie with your friends.
Play with a grandchild: Share more time with loved ones.
—Alina Larson
May you be blessed with never falling into gloom even as fall turns toward winter. May you always be blessed with realizing that the sun will come out tomorrow and small wonders await your pleasure every day. Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein
Today on the TODAY SHOW, November 12, 2007, Meredith Vieira mentioned that, "I played Jack’s very well," as a child. This may sound silly but from the point of view of THE ENCHANTED SELF Positive Psychology, this is very important information. Within this kind of self knowledge lies not only old information about oneself, both pleasant memories to treasure and of new discoveries of one’s regenerative potential.
For example, in the case of Meredith Vieira’s skills at playing jacks, what does that hold for her now? Perhaps information that she is blessed with good eye-hand skills. Perhaps information that she enjoys competitive play, either with herself or with others. Perhaps the self knowledge that she can relax and feel stimulated at the same time with simple activities. Whatever information she pulls from the activity, and only she will know what rings true, lies a blue print for now and into the future about playing, relaxing, competiting, feeling alive and revitalized.
Could you ever believe that a simple game of Jack’s could hold so much information?
Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, author of THE ENCHANTED SELF, A PositiveTherapy, www.enchantedself.com
It has been commonly known in the mental health field that in order to achieve good mental health a person needs self esteem. However, what has not been stressed adequately is the importance of our memories. Often memories are encouraged that help us recall what has not worked in our life, what was dysfunctional or disappointing. We don’t emphasize enough how to use our memories to recall what has given us pleasure and wisdom in the past so as to see if we can reincorporate an old activity or interest or find a way to transform it into something that will work at whatever stage of life we are at.
As a Positive Psychologist, and Originator of a method designed to encourage hope, optimism, happiness, resiliency, purpose and meaning in life, I always teach people how to retrieve the positive parts of their memories and then celebrate the true heroine that each of us is. I find that if we take the time to learn how to read, as a blueprint, the dysfunctional times in our lives to see what strengths and survival skills stand out, we can celebrate the powerful woman inside, even if the times around the memories were less than ideal.
The Enchanted Self is a Positive Psychology that encourages positive states of mind, body and spirit. It is a growth promoting system of positive understandings and attitudinal changes, insights and simple life style changes you can make. It is geared to living a life more joyfully and fully. It is a way of seeing the glass half full and it’s a way of seeing yourself as extraordinary rather than ordinary. It’s a way of recognizing the heroine within yourself. You see that your own personal memories contain not only your history of the story of your life, but there is a wealth of wisdom with which to reinvent yourself again and again.
You are the only person who has had your unique experiences, human reactions and thoughts. You are the holder of the key to your own enchantment. It is out of your past that you can find coping skills, ability, talent and lost potential. Only you can determine what you enjoy and what gives you a sense of well being. Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, www.enchantedself.com
Tonight I was on the telephone with my mom’s best friend, growing up, Betty Hill. They walked to school together for many years. In fact, Betty told me that she couldn’t wait to meet up with my mom because my mom entertained her the whole way to school with descriptions of the fascinating dreams she had the night before. Betty didn’t remember her dreams so my mother’s became her dream world also. No day was dull as long as Bernice had a good dream!
And then there was my mother’s wedding. It was held in Brookline at a wonderful old home, complete with a winding staircase and lots of fireplaces. My mother was such a beautiful bride, with coal black hair, blue eyes and a beautiful white gown with exquisite hand made lace. Betty was the maid of honor and stood at the bottom of the long staircase as my mom came down the stairs. It was wonderful.
The home belonged to the caterer and the ceremony was followed by a delicious meal. My father. Harry Becker, looked so handsome-tall and elegant in his white suit.
What a moment in time. I have pictures from their wedding, but Betty helped me to have the memories!
Thank you, Betty!
Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, www.enchantedself.com
enchantedself
Coping as a Tool of Enchantment -Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein
Many of my readers write to me about the tensions of everyday life. Not only do people wonder how to relax, but people often ask, “How do I learn to better cope with what faces me? Can THE ENCHANTED SELF help with the overwhelming frenzy of everyday life? Can it help when I am really down or something really goes wrong?” Absolutely!
In my newsletter, I often talk about the power of our positive memories. I emphasize this power because so often people focus on their negative and unpleasant memories. However, THE ENCHANTED SELF is much more than the retrieval of positive memories. It is the recognition of what works to make us thrive as human beings, and the courage to live fully. One of the marvelous ways we can use our enchanted memory banks is to look backwards in time to recognize our coping skills……
What are some of your coping skills? Congratulate yourself for having and using them!
Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, www.enchantedself.com
