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Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein is the originator of The Enchanted Self. She has been a positive psychologist in private practice and licensed in the states of New Jersey and Massachusetts since 1981.
Family Relationship Award of Excellence
My Books
Secrets: You Tell Me Yours and I’ll Tell You Mine…maybe!
Following on the heels of the best-selling book, The Truth, SECRETS is the continuing diary of a girl moving into her teen-age years. The Girl has plenty to fill her journal. The pages reveal a new school, a new baby in the family, new friends, a new guy and a new set of issues to face. Share the secret world of an almost-teen as she learns which secrets to share and which to keep to herself.
Download an excerpt of Secrets here.
THE TRUTH: I'm a Girl, I'm Smart and I Know Everything!
In the mothers' and daughters' version, this girl encapsulates the spark and energy that your daughter has inside of her, and that you had inside of yourself as a girl. It is this special capacity for fun and wisdom that we need to protect in our girls and get back to ourselves!
Let's rejoice in the girl inside of ourselves. Let's give courage and affirmation to our daughters and granddaughters so they know from the inside out, it is ok, in fact, essential to keep her alive, as they grow up.
The Truth, I'm 10, I'm Smart & I Know Everything.
The adult women's version is a delightful, humorous secret diary, written by a girl who is 10-11 years of age. She is wise and yet so innocent. She makes us cry and laugh and remember ourselves. Behind this very easy read is the psychological message to the women reading THE TRUTH that they can and must recapture the fire and passion of their girlhoods not only for themselves to flourish and be happy, but for the next generation to also have the gifts of good emotional and spiritual health.
This book is filled with emotional and delightful reminiscences that will charm you even as you are inspired to begin thinking of your own ways to bring delight into your hearts.
A collection of stories that is guaranteed to make you Feel Good. Click on the title to find out about the free gifts you will receive or here to learn more about the stories.
Recipes for Enchantment, The Secret Ingredient is YOU! is a culmination of over ten years of work and research in the field of personal enchantment by Dr. Barbara. She teaches us how to recall positive memories, regardless of our history, recognize our potential, and bring into our lives more of what gives us pleasure and joy. This is all combined with daily positive actions.
The Enchanted Self, A Positive Therapy
Through my work as a therapist, I have become concerned that we do not keep clearly enough how to reclaim what is positive about ourselves. This led me to write my book, The Enchanted Self, A Positive Therapy, published in 1997 by Harwood Academic Press. This book was probably the first and only book for mental health care providers and the interested public, to lay out the tools necessary to create a positive mind set and live an affirmative and affirming way of life!
Mean Girls, a Positive Psychologist speaks up and so does a girl from the book, The Truth, (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know Everything)
The Truth, (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything)
Things I promise to do when I grow up:
I’ll travel a lot, I won’t look away when my kids ask me tough questions
I’ll answer truthfully, I won’t swear
I won’t get into silly fights with my husband…
The ‘girl’s’ list from my new book, The Truth, (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) could go on and on. She knows so clearly what has come into her life that didn’t feel right-parents who didn’t have the time to really hear her. Parents that fought too often. People in her life that somehow, whether with our without meaning to, distorted the truth, and people who did unpleasant behaviors such as swearing. All of these external actions led to internal reactions which were painful to her.
As a positive psychologist I hypothesize that MEAN GIRLS don’t just wake up mean. I believe that they too, have been exposed to too much that began to hurt just too deeply-and then finally one day, they began to give back. And the result is a MEAN GIRL. Perhaps the girl was teased unmercifully, or she came from a household that had too much conflict, or she had no one that really understood her needs. That doesn’t get a MEAN GIRL off the hook and I agree with the information shown on Prime Time 20-/20 show this week on February 26th, 2008 that parents must work with their daughters and help them fend off the MEAN GIRLS. And who best to give strategies, than one’s parents! But also we need to look at the societal factors in the world around us to see what we can all do to help both the MEAN GIRL and the girl being teased. I’ll talk about these factors in other blog entries. But one sure factor is to keep tweens busy and engaged and excited about what they are learning and doing. For example, a girl caring for a horse every day after school will probably not have the time to think about becoming mean-unless someone is not nice to her horse. And then you had better watch out! But that makes sense and sometimes we are reactive because that is exactly the right way to be!
What do you think? Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, www.enchantedself.com
Talking about Anne Frank’s Diary
It is over 50 years since Anne Frank kept her diary in hiding! What a contrast to the freedom that most of us live in. I am fascinated my girl’s diaries. Obviously, as my latest book is a girl’s diary, The Truth, (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything). I’m sharing with you my review of Anne Frank’s diary. Have you read Anne Frank, since you became a grown-up? If not, it is well worth a re-read. If you are younger than a grown-up I’d love to know how her diary strikes you, living in today’s world. Hoping to hear from you so we can continue to dialog!
The last time I really read the diary of Anne Frank, I was nine, in Sunday school in Connecticut and pretty miserable. I had my own issues-some of the girls made fun of me, I couldn’t learn to read Hebrew (no one had recognized that I had a learning disability) and I wanted nothing more than to really belong. Anne’s diary made me cry and feel even more miserable.
This time, I’m a grown-up. In fact my kids are grown. I’m a psychologist in private practice, with an emphasis on positive psychology. That means I encourage hope and optimism in my clients. I help them look for their talents and even lost potential. And I just wrote a book in diary form, written by a 10-11 year old girl, to help girls and their moms get in touch with the best of themselves. Sooo, things are very different.
My reaction to reading Anne Frank this time was as if I had blinders taken away from my eyes. Instead of just seeing a girl in hiding and feeling oppressed with the sadness of her unfulfilled life, I saw a profoundly real teen-age girl with unbelievable wisdom and honesty. She seems to be the compilation of all the inner knowledge, wisdom, sexual and emotional development of all girls. She is almost like the western world’s Shakespeare for girls. For example, as a psychologist and a woman who was once a teenager, I was enthralled with her intimate feelings and thoughts around her crush on Peter. Lots of girls fall in love or have a crush, but few know how to process their feelings. In fact that is why ‘the girl’ in my new book, The Truth, falls in love, to help kids learn how to share these sorts of feeling. Anne understood so much about the ego development of a person in transition from child to woman. What she is able to put into words about her crush should help any girl experiencing deep and complex feelings.
I think every woman should take some time and re-read Anne Frank. You will certainly fall in love with her in a different way than the first time around. You may find yourself sobbing later, as I found myself, when her love of life and feelings and insights about growing-up, welled up inside of me with the realization that Anne never got a chance to do all the things that most of us women take for granted: the husband, the kids, the first apartment, friends over, pets, just getting out in the fresh air!
Anne held on to her ideals and dreams and she hoped that there would be a time that she could carry them out. She didn’t make it, but we have. And so if every woman who reads this book can just be a little more insightful, a little more caring, a little more loving, listen a little harder to kids and teens-then in a way, we have carried out, as best we can, her ideals. As a positive psychologist and woman, this is my opinion as to how to maintain hope, and fulfill not only her potential, but our own.
Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein
The Home of Positive Psychology for Women
www.enchantedself.com
Tween Girls Bullish on Fashion Fantasy Game: Online Fashion Game Gains New Entrepreneurs
Wonderful article the The Earth Times. You can find it at http://www.earthtimes.org/articles/show/tween-girls-bullish-on-fashion-fantasy-game-online-fashion-game,290696.shtml. My congratulations. Tweens need activities that allow them positive creative outlets. What little girl hasn’t wanted to be a ballerina, or a princess? And what tween hasn’t wanted to be something like a fashion designer? Well, now it seems girls can get a safe way of learning not only about designing clothes but running a business. As a positive psychologist, I know this type of learning experience is exactly what girls need between the ages of 8-14. Your daughter may end up becoming an engineer or a physician or a graphic artist, but the confidence she can learn and the fun she can have in doing an activity that stretches her imagination will never be lost.
In my new book, The Truth, (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) the girl is so excited to meet any challenge that stretches her thinking and yet keeps her feeling girly, girl at the same time. That is probably why she loves Nancy Drew mysteries. She gets such a kick out of solving them, before Nancy Drew! And that’s why lots of girls are sure to feel excited playing this new game.
Actually, this on-line fashion designing game appeals to the girl inside of me. I wonder if older women can sign up?
Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein
The Home of Positive Psychology for Women
www.enchantedself.com
Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein on Ebru satellite tv
The show, Daily Connections, in which Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, author of a new book for girls and their mom’s, The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) is featured, discussing "Talking to your Tween about teasing, gossiping and reputations" (episode 222) is airing Monday, February 25th at 10 AM and at 2 PM.
If you are unable to watch Ebru on satellite television, you can watch the program LIVE on our website on that date and time at www.ebru.tv and click on the “Ebru Live” link.
The show will be archived on Ebru television for those that can’t see it today.
Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein
The Home of Positive Psychology for Women
www.enchantedself.com
The Truth, I’m A Woman, I’m Smart and I Did IT!
Cindy Trope* told me that she had a great experience the other day. She owns a rental property and the bathroom was in terrible condition. The sink had to be replaced. Also, the toilet had to come out temporarily so a new tile floor could be put down. And everything weighed a ton. And she is a petite lady. Could she do this job or would she need to hire a couple of strong men to do the job? First she figured out a solution for a ‘new’ sink. She found an old small cabinet that she painted black and put new antique knobs on the doors. She cut the right holes and fit into the cabinet a sink bowl that she had found on the street. Once the floor is done she’ll finish installing it and it will look fabulous. She was already feeling empowered.
Now, what about the toilet? She called her brother and he told her how to disconnect the toilet. He was worried she wouldn’t be able to lift the toilet. However, she found a hand truck and got the toilet out of the bathroom. Ah, she was feeling more powerful by the minute. Now how to get the tiles upstairs? They were in boxes that weighed a ton. Ok-she figured that out. She opened the boxes and took what she could carry. It took a few trips but what the heck! She was flying
Cindy had demolished a bathroom by herself! She didn’t need a strong man, or even two, although strong men are great. The point was that she tackled a task that seemed beyond her and she did it! As Cindy said to me, "I am woman, hear me roar!"
Oh-tiling the floor? That is for another day. But it will happen. Trust me and trust Cindy!
There is a great book out for girls, The Daring Book for Girls! I think there should be one for women also. Every woman needs a daring success like Cindy had this week.
*Cindy Trope is an artisan and an artist and is the artist who designs and makes all the necklaces, bookmarks, etc. for The Enchanted Self and for The Truth.
Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein
The Home of Positive Psychology for Women
www.enchantedself.com
The Truth is….
"The Truth is people shouldn’t make fun of you, it really hurts!"
"The Truth is parents should let their kids do things for themselves."
What do you think about these ‘truths’? Are they true for you? They are for the girl in The Truth, (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything). What would you say to your daughter if someone made fun of her? What do you let your kids do that you weren’t allowed to do? What do you not allow them to do, that you got to do? Let’s talk! Write back to me.
Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein
The Home of Positive Psychology for Women
www.enchantedself.com
How Girls can Face The Truth
How girls can face The Truth
Tween expert Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein is helping girls and mothers achieve their authentic selves
February 28, 2008, Long Branch, NJ – - Every tween today faces social aggression, questions about their parents’ relationships, gossip and crushes. In response to the crises young girls face today, positive psychologist Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein has written The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything!) (Enchanted Self Press, Feb. 2008).
The Truth for young girls is that it’s OK to be unique individuals, have fun and delight in the wisdom of being young. Behind this fictional diary written by a young girl, are psychological messages about happiness for both daughters and mothers….
I thought you would be interested in reading some of the press release about my new book. I be sharing more over the next few days. I’m looking for mothers and daughters to both read the book and send in their reactions and comments. Write to me at drbarbara@enchantedself.com I will be sending out Truth Necklaces as prizes for responding.
Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein
The Home of Positive Psychology for Women
www.enchantedself.com
We All Have A Sweetheart!
There is a saying going around that goes something like this: On the day you were born your were given a sweetheart for the rest of your life. Do you kow who it is? It is yourself!
This sums up a profound truth. Of course we are all hopeful and desirous of a special partner in our lives and many other people to love over a lifetime. But the truth is we need to be able to nourish,nurture and enjoy ourselves. If we don’t we will not be in condition for the adventures, efforts and commitments involved in joining up with others. Also, if we don’t like ourselves, why would someone else like us? Think about these things as you take more interest in recognizing your own special talents, interests, coping skills and untapped potential! Have fun getting to know a very special person.
Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, www.enchantedself.com
Happiness as a Gross National Product
As a positive psychologist I have been battling 15 years to help women and girls in the United States have the courage and know how to stop internalizing the materialistic, looks oriented messages of our culture that in most cases can only led to frustration and personal disappointments! Happiness as a gross national product is a profound spiritual idea that is good for all of us and can only lead to more productive people who can live out their dreams and purpose.
Finding Happiness even after Valentine’s Day has passed!
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Inspirational Celebrity and Book Reviews
Tuesdays
9:30 a.m. & 3:30 p.m. cst