How Did THE ENCHANTED SELF Turn into THE TRUTH?

I believe that retrieving positive memories is important to our health and well being. This is one of the dominant themes of my professional teaching. I have come to believe that without a sense that life is pleasant and at times pleasurable, joyful, even rapturous and ecstatic, we are vulnerable to depression, chronic anxiety and seeing ourselves in a poor light.
I have seen my clients and myself find positive information in our own life story and perk up no matter what the circumstances. For me perhaps this was never more strongly pointed out than writing RECIPES FOR ENCHANTMENT, The Secret Ingredient is YOU! So many times when I was writing the book I remembered and felt the positive lessons that my dad had taught me. I felt his love for me coming through. For example when I remember his story about how he had not picked up a returnable glass bottle when he was a boy, as his friend told him “it ain’t worth nothin’,” I am flooded with good feelings about my dad.
My dad really made an effort to help people to make good judgment decisions. For example, in his story, “That ain’t Worth nothin’,” he looses a bottle in the gutter because a friend convinces him it is not worth anything. However, the friend then picks it up and turns it in for a “shiny” penny! He loved to tell his lost bottle story because it pointed out occasions that we all face.

So often people try to convince us that something is not good for us. Why? Perhaps because they want it instead or they really believe it isn’t good for us, or they simply, for some reason, are blocking us. That’s where our personal judgment skill comes in to play.Many times during my life, people have tried to convince me to drop something. For certain there have been people trying to convince me to drop THE ENCHANTED SELF project, as it has been an expensive passion.

Can you imagine?  If I had dropped the project I wouldn’t have continued to think about how to help women stay in touch with the best of themselves.  And if I had stopped thinking so much about how to help women recapture their zest for living I wouldn’t have started to think more about girls and how important it is for girls to hold on to the best of themselves.  And if I hadn’t focused a lot of how I could get out the message to girls about growing up emotionally strong, I never would have written and published The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything). And if I never wrote that book I wouldn’t have gotten the idea for the second book in The Truth Series: SECRETS, (You tell me yours, maybe I’ll tell you mine), which will be available in February.  And if none of the above had happened….well it wouldn’t be the same for me or lots of people that my books and theories have touched.  And that’s THE TRUTH!

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January 26, 2010 | Filed Under Books | Leave a Comment 

Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein quoted in the Wall Street Journal, January 14, 2010 ON STYLE

A New Look for a New Life, by Christina Binkley

Bye-Bye, Bottega: A Former Executive Purges Her Closet in Search of Deeper

“People often feel the need to reinvent themselves when they reach midlife or the years before retirement, says Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, a psychologist in West Allenhurst, N.J. It’s common for people like Ms. Kan to feel that they’ve compromised too much of themselves for their job or their marriage, and to want to rectify that by starting afresh….”

Please read the full article  http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704586504574654971072980350.html

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January 20, 2010 | Filed Under Published Articles, Uncategorized | Leave a Comment 

Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein looks at the Enchanted Self’s Third Gateway to Happiness in Reference to girls growing up.

The Enchanted Self’s Third Gateway to Happiness is all about learning to meet our needs, and how to negotiate for ourselves. Often kids certainly know what their needs are better than adults, because everything is less disguised, fresher and closer to the surface. But they very often don’t know how to negotiate for themselves or how to find ways to get their needs met, particularly if they live in difficult families So we have to help them again.

Advice for young women in this category, how they might be able to sort of go around difficult circumstances and manage:

Get mentors outside of the household. A neighbor who will — who’s really a good person, who maybe you can go over and the two of you can cook together in her kitchen now and then. It can be a teacher that takes an interest in you. Perhaps she introduces you to fine literature or she finds a young piano teacher so you can take lessons at a price your parents can afford. I don’t mean a formal mentor like we think of in coaching, where you pay someone by the hour. I simply mean someone who sees you in a positive light and enriches your life in positive ways.

I’m talking about people who can take you beyond your family circumstances.

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January 5, 2010 | Filed Under Recipe for Enchantment, Women's Happiness | Leave a Comment 

Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, Positive Psychologist and author of The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) is the radio guest on Chaklet Coffee Books.

I loved being on the Chaklet Coffee Books show. It is amazing how much fun we all had late at night! We got to discuss The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) in detail, and so many related subjects about parenting, growing up, having a crush, etc. It was so delightful to have a 10 year old girl also on the show who had read the book with her Grandma-just what I recommend!

Click link below to listen to show!

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/chaklet-cof…

http://bit.ly/8S3PAK

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December 21, 2009 | Filed Under Dr. Holstein's Podcast Archives, happiness | Leave a Comment 

YES YOU CAN! That’s what Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, Positive Psychologist, and author of The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) shared at a Powerful YOU! meeting in Lakewood, N. J.

‘Life begets life. Energy creates energy. It is by spending oneself that
one becomes rich.’ ~ Sarah Bernhard

A great quote! Sarah Berhard gave of herself in her acting. I believe that we can all give of ourselves and become emotionally ‘richer’ through telling the stories of our lives and even more. Perhaps writing them, or perhaps writing that book inside of us. That’s what I talked about at the Powerful YOU! meeting. After sharing the latest that is happening in the publishing world and how much easier it is to get into print, I asked the women to brainstorm on index cards stories and or a book just waiting to get outside of themselves. The results were astounding. Everyone had at least one story and/or book to share and many of the women had two, three, even more. Some even had their titles picked out and believe me, these were national best-seller titles. We couldn’t stop the conversation. Finally, I ended the talk by asking each woman to carry a tiny notebook for ideas with her, and to tell at least one story a week to someone. One women came up to me at the end and said, “You are really on to something. You just unlocked a very important key.” I’m glad I could help ignite the resources and energy that is inside of these women and actually is inside of all of us.

Powerful You PresentationMore from Powerful You PresentationPowerful YOU!

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December 18, 2009 | Filed Under Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, Inspirational True Stories | Leave a Comment 

Dr. Barbara is Quoted in the December 28, 2009 Edition of First Magazine!

barbarafirstmag

In response to a family who puts together a holiday jigsaw puzzle and brings the old puzzles out of storage yearly, Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein says, “Participating in something supportive rather than competitive helps family members cement bonds. And looking at old pictures conjures positive memories.”

In response to a family that does a yearly holiday scavenger hunt for items that are usually related to long-standing family jokes, Dr. Barbara says, “The value of being together in a connective way like this is priceless”. This year the family is donating everything on the hunt to a local food pantry. To this, Dr. Barbara says, “It’s been documented that we get more of a feel-good high from doing for others than if something is done for us.”

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December 14, 2009 | Filed Under Fond Memories that Enhance Happy Feelings, In the News, Positive use of Memory | Leave a Comment 

Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein Celebrates The Chinese Launch of The Truth

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December 8, 2009 | Filed Under Books | Leave a Comment 

Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein shares how The Enchanted Self’s use of Positive Memories relates to even food! Peanut Butter: We All Love It!

Lots of memories, even from the very distant past, are charming and heartwarming. Here is a memory that many of us can resonate to: eating peanut butter sandwiches. I was surprised and delighted to hear on public radio that in New York City there lurks a small restaurant devoted to the nostalgia and experience of peanut butter sandwiches. The two favorite at the restaurant are a peanut butter sandwich dripping with honey with sliced bananas inside, and a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich with peanut butter. I thought as I listened to the report that this was such a charming idea for a restaurant. People can come together in one place where everyone is not only enjoying the food but also have a reverie into his or her own past as sandwiches are devoured. What is your favorite food memory?

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November 19, 2009 | Filed Under Positive use of Memory | 1 Comment 

The Wise Older Woman by Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein

Awhile ago, I attended a beautiful wedding. A young Jewish couple came together in joy and the room was filled with happiness. Outside of the banquet room I noticed a group of older women sitting near the door collecting charity. They all looked very pure and plain at the same time, young seniors and older seniors, nothing fancy about them. Their hips were full. They were wearing comfortable walking shoes and somewhat frumpy looking clothing. There wore either wigs or kerchiefs. They had a sweetness that if I were a child again, I would have felt delighted to have come home to milk and cookies with any of them. I ended up giving a dollar to just about each woman, in fact two dollars to the woman who actually changed a twenty for me so I could give out my money.

Later on in the evening, I went back out where they were, when nothing much was happening in the social hall. I was looking to have a bit of conversation with one of the ladies. I think I felt a need to be connected to their warmth. I certainly couldn’t ask for milk and cookies, but I could chat with them!

The woman I started to talk to was well up in years. She had beautiful, lively eyes-eyes that could have gone with a twenty year old or even an infant, they were so bright and full of life. Her skin was beautiful. Her body and her face showed age, but no where near the age that she apparently is. She told me that she came to this country 65 years ago with three children and then went on to have seven more. That means that she is about 90. She didn’t look a day past 75!

She told me that she comes out to all the weddings to collect charity. She’s very proud of the fact that last year she collected $30,000 for poor, sick people in Israel and brides who needed money for their wedding expenses. She told me that she doesn’t keep a dime for herself and that her daughter who lives in Israel helps to disburse the money.

By her intensity, I could see that she took her job extremely seriously and with utter devotion. She told me a few other things about herself. Her husband is no longer alive. She receives Social Security. Of her ten children, nine are living; one daughter was lost at 41-I don’t know to what illness. She is very proud that a number of her children are Rabbis, teachers and school principals in the Jewish educational world. That’s about the extent of the details.

She opened a window to me. I never really knew nor had I ever really talked to any of these women that are always at weddings of this type, asking for money. I guess, like we often do with people we don’t know, I basically dismissed them almost as non-entities even though I always gave at least a few dollars.

Talking to this woman of course made her so alive and real to me as she obviously was for 90 years before I knew her! I was impressed with her generosity of spirit, her sincerity and her utter devotion to her cause. She was passionately committed to her cause. She refreshed me with her energy and focus.

She is a woman, of course, who has known so many people and seen so many things! Having nine living children, she probably has 80 grandchildren. Her world is rich with people, children and grandchildren and probably great grandchildren to love. A private life, her name even if I shared it with you, would not ring a bell. Her charitable work is not a registered charity. She doesn’t go on TV with commercial pitches. She just comes to one wedding after another, sits out in the hallways, puts a little sign asking for money for the poor, ill and brides, in a dish and collects. Then she ships the money to Israel and starts all over again. There’s no middle management. There are no commissions to pay. There are no cuts. It’s just dollar bills transforming lives.

It’s simple. It’s without layers. It certainly is the antithesis, the absolute opposite of the concept of managed care where one hand doesn’t wash the other-where one hand watches the other and takes a cut until there is less and less left.

Yes, as a positive psychologist and a woman, talking to her was for me, really the best part of my week! She uplifted me and reminded me small is not less!

I hope you enjoyed my little story. Remember, the Seventh Gateway to ENCHANTMENT is Positive Action-Good Deeds! You can download all the Gateways to Happiness on the front page of www.enchantedself.com

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November 2, 2009 | Filed Under Inspirational True Stories, happiness | Leave a Comment 

Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, Positive Psychologist, Looks at What Makes Women Magical and Happy as Honor Their True Passions

As women we have to honor our true passions.  If we don’t we are unhappy, even depressed.  I’ve talked about this concept for years.   In The Enchanted Self, A Positive Therapy, I discuss many reasons why we need to be true to ourselves.  I also explain why we can not wait for anyone else to do this job for us.  We MUST take care of ourselves.  As it has been said, your best friend and your most devoted partner came into your life on the day you were born.  And that person was not your mom.  It was yourself.

I’m always looking for women who are living out their dreams.  They are wonderful, magical women who fill us with hope and encouragement.  They feel magical because they have taken the best of themselves from various stages of their lives and integrated these special parts of themselves into a new whole that is even better.  For example, the woman I met in Wales, who took her love of fairytales as a child and her business sense as a woman and opened a store selling princess outfits and magic wands to little girls, took the best of herself from childhood and adulthood.

Are you one of those special women who has taken something special about yourself from the past and brought it to life in a new way now, as an adult?  I bet you have.  Write back and let me know and give us all the details!


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October 28, 2009 | Filed Under Women's Happiness | 1 Comment 

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