OUR SOCIETY DOESN’T HELP US TO FEEL POSITIVE ENOUGH ABOUT OURSELVES, SAYS DR. BARBARA BECKER HOLSTEIN, POSITIVE PSYCOLOGIST
By Barbara Holstein | June 23, 2009
After doing case study research on women outside of my practice I became certain that women, and I am sure most men, have greater capacities to restore themselves and enjoy themselves, than previously documented. I also realized we are not given enough signals in our society to help us feel positive about ourselves, or to recognize what makes us happy. We are not taught how to hold on to positive feelings, or how to bring them back and use them to our benefit again and again.
Topics: Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, Positive Psychology, Positive Psychology for Women, Recipe For Happiness | No Comments »
Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein talks about her book “The Truth (I’m a girl I’m Smart and I know Everything)” on “A Fresh Start with Sallie Felton”!
By Barbara Holstein | June 15, 2009
http://contacttalkradio.soundwaves2000.com:8080/ctr/salliefelton060309.mp3
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99% PERSPIRATION, 1% INSPIRATION IS WHAT IT TAKES TO FIND YOUR ENCHANTED SELF
By Barbara Holstein | June 11, 2009
It is mental and emotional perspiration that we need to go through as we struggle to live a life of meaning and joy. The inspiration is there but it’s the perspiration that most of us need to put into our daily lives to create for ourselves lives of enchantment. Because, enchantment for most of us, i.e., living a life of joy, a life that reflects many states of well being, again and again, is hard work.
Certainly we yearn for moments when the right thing happens at exactly the right time and the world opens up for us, whether it’s a lucky break, meeting the right life partner or winning the lottery. And we all need at least some of those moments. But life, in reality, is filled with hundreds and thousands and probably millions of minutes that are repetitive, boring or simply ordinary. They involve getting up, brushing our teeth, driving to work safely, keeping a job, raising children, fighting off a cold, etc. It is all these times that THE ENCHANTED SELF focuses on.
These are the moments that can be mundane, depressing, dull or can be captivating, enlivening and filled with joy.
What is the difference? The difference is usually the perspiration. I mean the mental and emotional perspiration that is involved.
We need to REMEMBER THE BEST AND LETTING GO OF THE REST. This is a critical component to general well being and a sense of happiness on a daily basis. Most of us have sustained loss and experienced pain. Yes, we’ve been hurt. We’ve been short-changed by opportunities or other people. Sometimes we’ve been stepped upon, left or forgotten.
If we spend our daily life focusing on these disappointments then we cannot release the positive energies we need to make the most of the present moment and to plan for the future. Grudges, negative thinking, disappointments, and not forgiving all get in the way of what can be done with the present. We need our psyche energies to seize opportunities we can take advantage of. This can’t happen, if our energies are used up ruminating.
Besides, there is beauty in our own story and most, if not all disappointments we’ve experienced have strengthened us. Often, we have even developed talents in coping with hard times that can reemerge in ways to enhance pleasure and/or help us be of service to the world. For example, the child that was neglected or yelled at has an opportunity to be particularly kind to others as he or she gets older, maybe to teach others certain parenting skills having known first hand how it feels on the other side.
How do we take all the moments of life that are often repetitive and ordinary, and turn them into captivating personal times? One way is through optimizing our own sense of well being. This internal state is particularly reactive to our emotional and physical states of health. For instance, I remember occasions when good things were about to happen, but I was so overtired or anxious that I could not appreciate a special day. I also remember occasions when nothing happened, but because I felt well rested and truly at peace with myself I enjoyed every moment.
How do we work on restoring ourselves? How do we gather our positive energies to be in our own best interest? Certainly one of the most critical factors is seeing yourself in a positive light. If I don’t truly value myself, I am certainly not going to take good care of myself. I am more responsive to the criticism from a negative spouse or parent than my own inner feelings of self worth. I may not take good care of myself and the results can be devastating. Over the years I have seen so many clients who were not thriving because they had internalized negative comments, criticism and opinions from others. The end result was that they began to believe the negative perceptions of themselves and ultimately saw themselves in a poor light.
It is very important to see yourself in a positive light. This means not putting yourself down and not criticizing yourself. It means becoming your own best friend. Often taking better care of yourself becomes essential. For all of us, it is important to get enough rest, eat well, learn how to sort through the negative remarks that hurt, not get caught up and lost in the feelings those remarks engendered, and to value who we really are and what each of us has to offer the world.
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Weekly Blessing
By Barbara Holstein | May 29, 2009
“The harder I work, the luckier I get.” (Anonymous)
Blessing:
May you be blessed with so much luck you feel it is falling out of the sky like raindrops!
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Weekly Blessing
By Barbara Holstein | May 26, 2009
“May you always be at home when you are home and never feel the pain of being a stray!”
~ Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein
Topics: Blessings, Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein | No Comments »
SUCCESS is Ninety-nine percent perspiration and one percent inspiration! Dr. Harry A. Becker, Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein’s Dad taught her that!
By Barbara Holstein | May 26, 2009
Sometimes kids and adults forget how much resiliency and persistence we can really muster. Life is not always easy, but we can grow as we never give up. I was so lucky. I had a great mentor in my father. It is ten years since he died, actually on May 16th. So in memory of my dad and in the hopes of further inspiring all of you, here is one of the stories my Dad loved to tell, even when he was gravely ill and in the hospital.
When my father went to camp at age 12, he was voted: ·The laziest ·The least deserving. ·The least likely to succeed.
Perhaps this was because he was tall and placed with boys several years older than he. Ironically, he was probably the least lazy, the most deserving, and one of the most successful people I have ever known. My Dad was a loving husband, a loving father, and certainly a loving son. Beyond these roles and all of his connections with others, I believe he was an encourager of the human spirit. He was a realist who truly saw untapped potential in everyone who crossed his path–even me!
I remember him saying that persistence and perspiration would help me meet my goals. He loved to explain that most accomplishments are “Ninety-nine percent perspiration and one percent inspiration.” For example, when I was a teenager he would help me wake up at 5:00 AM if I had homework to finish. “Take a shower, have something to eat and then get back to task.” He was always there to ease my burden but not take it away. My responsibilities were my own to meet, not his. How could he be helpful but not do my job–Proofreading? Driving me to school late? Brainstorming a topic? He never however, did work for me–it was mine to do. Like all good teachers he never promised that he could remove my pain. He taught that I could live with the pain and get beyond it.
He was always my teacher. He taught me how to polish my shoes and to count my packages as I shopped so I would know how many things I had with me. Above all he taught me determination. Never give up. You can do it!
Topics: Inspirational True Stories | No Comments »
Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, Positive Psychologist comments: Blessings Make The World Go Round!
By Barbara Holstein | May 13, 2009
Hi Ladies, I hope you are having a beautiful day today. Don’t we all need to! Do you feel better when someone has blessed you? I sure to. It makes me feel cared about in a special way when I know someone has blessed me. I’d like to know how you feel about blessings? Did you ever have a really special ‘blessed’ day after someone blessed you? A blessing can be as simple as “Take care”. Or it can be much more such as the blessings I have listed below from my e-mail blessings that I send out once a week. By the way you can sign up for my blessings by going to the front page of www.enchantedself.com.
Enjoy these four blessings and please send me a blessing by giving me the blessing of your response! Write to me here on this blog or at drbarbara@enchantedself.com
“May you be blessed with a disposition that is just as sunny in the rain as in the sun.”
“May the wonders of technology always be a boon to your life and may you have the courage to not let these wonders ‘bust’ your integrity, time or need for genuine privacy and intimate connection that can not be had by turning on an electrical current.”
“May you always be pleased with freedom, both inside and outside of yourself! ”
“May all that befalls you be delicious and filled with delight even if at first you are puzzled or dismayed!”
Topics: Blessings, The Enchanted Self, Women's Happiness | 1 Comment »
Weekly Blessing
By Barbara Holstein | May 1, 2009
May you be blessed with sunshine from inside that helps you easily smile and sunshine outside that helps you keep the smile!
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Weekly Blessing
By Barbara Holstein | April 24, 2009
May the wonders of technology always be a boon to your life and may you have the courage to not let these wonders ‘bust’ your integrity, time or need for genuine privacy and intimate connection that can not be had by turning on an electrical current.
Topics: Blessings | No Comments »
The Enchanted Aspects of a Woman’s Mind
By Barbara Holstein | April 21, 2009
A woman’s mind is like vibrational energy—it gets more energy or less, it works from one cognitive level or another, and it is surrounded by different tones and frequencies and feelings and smells and behaviors and dreams coming true! How wild. How wonderful that we find ourselves landing like fairies in a garden of people and places to love and activities to take on.
Topics: Positive Psychology, Positive Psychology for Women, Wisdom Thoughts | No Comments »