A Negative Recipe for Happiness

Negative Recipes for Happiness can be very destructive.  Some of the worst are giving our girls, tweens and teens a Negative Recipe that goes something like this:

Buy all the popular magazines about celebrities and pour over them. 

Start to think about your body, your face, your hair and nails all the time.

Try to emulate the physical attributes of starlets.

Do whatever is necessary, including coloring your hair, your nails, and exposing flesh. 

Passionately pursue all of the above.   

Why is the above Recipe so destructive and dangerous?  Some of the reasons are:

It keeps girls, tweens and teens from getting to know themselves as wondrous human beings by focusing them off of themselves and their talents and potential and on to idealized versions of youthful perfection.

It also keeps girls, tweens and teens from developing a meaningful sense of what is important about people. For example:  their positive actions, their capacities to help others, their talents, their inner selves.

I’ll be talking further about this incredibly important subject that effects the physical and emotional health of our girls, tweens and teens.  Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, Positive Psychologist, www.enchantedself.com

February 28, 2007 | Filed Under Recipe For Happiness | Leave a Comment 

Seven Gateways to Happiness

I’d like to invite all of you to go to www.thehappinessshow.com  and look at episode 110.  In that episode I talk about THE SEVEN GATEWAYS TO HAPPINESS.   I discuss all of the Gateways and give case examples, as well as suggestions for you to get started on your Gateway Success Journey!  Let me know what you think.    All my best,  Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, Positive Psychologist and Happiness Coach, www.enchantedself.com

February 26, 2007 | Filed Under Positive Psychology | Leave a Comment 

The movie, Miss Potter, Live Your Dream

Beatrice Potter is a wonderful icon for women.  Tonight I saw Miss Potter, the movie.  The movie is about her life as a woman, and a writer of children’s books.  Of particular note is the fact that Miss Potter was discouraged by her mother as well as society at large from pursuing her dream of publishing her animal stories for children.  She held fast to her dream and eventually her books sold more copies than any other children’s books in the world.  What amazing perseverence. 

Actually, Beatrice Potter started writing and telling her stories and making the drawings when she was a child.  She held on to them through many years-years of frustrating and humiliation.  Society in England in those days did not cast a favorable eye on the single woman.  She was vehement that she would not marry just to marry.  So single, still living at home, escorted by a chaperone at agd 32, she finally found a publisher who would publish one of her books.  Her mother received the news with less than a positive response. 

I could tell you the whole story, but you will have more fun going to the movies or renting the DVD and seeing the story for yourself. 

Remember: A sure fire pathway to success is to hold fast to your dream and pursue it!  It may take years and refinements, even major alterations, but you can get there!  Miss Potter’s little animals are still helping children laugh and feel understood to this very day! 

Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, Positive Psychologist and Happiness Coach, www.enchantedself.com

February 24, 2007 | Filed Under Positive Psychology | Leave a Comment 

Celebration of THE ENCHANTED SELF

Today I’m celebrating THE ENCHANTED SELF world of potential and reality.  When I first wrote THE ENCHANTED SELF, A Positive Therapy, I never dreamed I would be writing more and more books.  I never thought that my articles would be on hundreds of websites and that people could even learn my Gateways To Happiness by watching me on TV or on the Internet. 
I never dreamed I would help my mother to write a delightful, uplifting book of stories!  Or that my 87 year old mother would have her own web site for FEEL GOOD STORIES, www.storiestofeelgood.com  So much reality has already happened and I have a feeling that wonderful opportunities because of THE ENCHANTED SELF will continue to happen.
You see, THE ENCHANTED SELF is more than me.  You are part of THE ENCHANTED SELF.  I feel it is a beacon for women. I had the vision and the language to teach the concepts but now that they are formed they generate meaning and energy of their own.  My vision became concrete reality in books, on the radio, on the web, in necklaces worn by women to celebrate themselves and you are part of that reality.
What a wonderful realization.  As discussed in that inspirational new book, The Secret, we all have the potential to make our ideas our reality.  I’m so thankful that when I envisioned THE ENCHANTED SELF, inside of me I held it to me and let it be born.  I could have called my Positive Psychology work by many other names, but although some have criticized the name, no other name quite captures the magic and practicality of achieving sustained happiness that my concepts teach.
At least in the English language there is no other way to express the idea that we can take our unique self, the self that is made up of so much history, so much feeling, so many ideas, memories, longings, talents, strengths, and find ways to constantly regenerate that self in emotionally uplifting ways.
Come, celebrate with me.  Celebrate your talents, your strengths, your compassion, your coping skills, and your Potential!
Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, Positive Psychologist and Happiness Coach, www.enchantedself.com

February 22, 2007 | Filed Under Positive Psychology | Leave a Comment 

"The Secret"book- Many Recipes For Happiness

Here’s a quote from the sensational new book, The Secret by Rhonda Byrne.  She states on page 118, "Many people have sacrificed themselves for others, thinking when they sacrifice themselves that are being a good person.  Wrong! To sacrifice yourself cn only come from thoughts of absolute lack, because it is saying, ‘There is not enought for everyone so I will go without.’ Those words do not feel good and will eventually lead to resentment…..Your job is You.  When you make feeling good a priority, that magnificent frequency will radiate and touch everyone close to you."

This is a great Recipe for Happiness.  Particularly for women, I find that sacrificing ourselves for others simply leads to depletion, fatigue, anger, and an emotional gas tank that is trying to run on empty.  At best we just feel cranky and tired.  At worst we can feel depressed.  This is very serious business for women.  That is why in my Seven Gateways to Happiness, the privotal Gateway is the Gateway of Replenishment and Joy.  Without taking the time to walk through that Gateway and to know how to ‘feed’ yourself emotionally, physically and spirtitually, you will not ‘feel good.’  And eventually you will not have the energy to even help those you most care about.  This is a given, as in The Truth, the Law of Attraction is presented as a given.

Here is a simple Recipe for Happiness to get you started: 

Close your eyes and see yourself doing three things that make you feel good.  Try to actually feel again that positive sensation you had in the past.  Was it in your whole body?  Was it a pleasant feeling of comfort, of being loved, of feeling protected?  Try to get back to some of the actual sensations. Good.

Pick one of the activities and modify it if you need to.  For example, you love to go to the Opera but that is not realistic for today.  Modification could be to go to the library and take out a CD of a beautiful opera to listen to in the car.

Do at least one of these acitivities that make you feel good over the next three days.

Enjoy and you will be ‘cooking’ up some good food for your sense of  well-being and also replenishing yourself

If you would like a free copy by e-mail of The Seven Gateways to Happiness please write to me at barbara.holstein@gmail.com 

Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, www.enchantedself.com.  Positive Psychologist and Happiness Coach

February 21, 2007 | Filed Under Positive Psychology | Leave a Comment 

Looking for Small Miracles

One of the ways to be blessed with Happiness is to find the small miracles that surround us on a daily basis.  Some of these miracles we just take for granted, like life itself.  But we can practice becoming more consciously aware of the events that are part of our lives that certainly have a feeling of a miracle attached to them.  For example, I was just reading in an e-mail about a Professor, Bernard Glick, who is interested in the study of Pirates.  He has studied and lectured aobut Jean Lafitte, who was a Jewish pirate.  He became a pirate after he was expelled with Spain in 1492.  Here’s the miracle:  Dr. Glick was sitting on a plane thinking about Jean Lafitte and whether he should talk about him at an upcoming lecture he was giving.   A man sat next to him and after much sharing of conversation, including interests and professions, it turned out the the other man was a proud descendent of the pirate.  Dr. Glick said,  "I was flabbergaset, not so much by the saga of Jean Lafitte as retold by a proud descentdant, but by the fact that the two of us had met so coincidentally in the skies of Georgia. Melvyn Lafitte lives in Georgia and I live in Portland, Oregon.  These cities are 5,377 miles apart.

This is a wonderful example of a miracle taking place.  How delightful for both men and how inspiring for all of us.  Here’s my Recipe for Happiness:

This week look for amazing conincidences in your life.  Perhaps as small as thinking about someone and the phone rings and it is that person.  Write to me on the blog and tell me what your discover.  I’m sure you will have at least one interesting occurence to report.  Happy sleuthing!  Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, www.enchantedself.com

February 17, 2007 | Filed Under Recipe For Happiness | Leave a Comment 

Positive Feedback, We all need it!

I received an e-mail recently thanking me for my daily Blessings.  The woman wrote they made such a difference in her life, and actually helped her to start her day.  I was thrilled to get this feedback, yet like most people who attempt to do good in the world, I was a little surprised.  Although I do put my heart and soul and ‘mind’ power into the composition of my blessings to others, it is hard for me to recognize that they might actually help someone.  This is part of the human condition.  As a positive psychologist I recognize that we have trouble putting a value on what we offer to the world.  Yet, most of us are quick to give value or to devalue what others offer!  How strange, that our minds can not fully appreciate what we ourselves do for others.  Yet, that is the way it is.  Consequently, we must each struggle to not devalue our own efforts and to constantly do what we can for others and of course, ourselves.
Hopefully, we will get the reinforcement that we need-as I did by getting that e-mail.  I would encourage you to remember to reinforce others who are in your life.  Let them know that what they do has real value and meaning. 
And let’s hope others will do the same for you!   Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, www.enchantedself.com 

February 15, 2007 | Filed Under Positive Psychology | Leave a Comment 

Recipe for Happiness and Self-Esteem

Today driving by a public school I saw a sign on the bulletin board that said approximately the following:  Children are our treasures in our art gallery.  I thought this was a lovely saying.  And indeed when adults do treasure their children self-esteem has a chance to really develop and flourish.  What is more exquisite than a new baby?  How perfect.  How wonderul also is the energy and spirit of a three year old.  Each age has its special delights. 

If you have children try to think of them as wondrous treasures in the art gallery of life.  You’ll like what you see and the children will love being perceived as so special.

All my best,  Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein www.enchantedself.com

February 12, 2007 | Filed Under Positive Psychology | Leave a Comment 

Easy Recipe for Happiness

Dear Folks,   A friend of mine was mentioning that when her mother-in-law visited many years ago, she took the little girls out in the carriage for a walk.  Being a friendly person, she naturally talked to strangers.  On this day, she began to talk to a neighbor who looked a little tense.  It turned out that the neighbor had agreed to be a scout leader but didn’t have a uniform for herself and was concerned that she wouldn’t be able to find or purchase one before her first meeting.  My friend’s mom, said, "I’ve got one and I’m not a leader anymore.  I’ll send it to you!" 

The neighbor was surprised and delighted and even more so when the uniform arrived in the mail!

It is so easy to have a Recipe for Happiness when one is generous of spirit!

Please comment,  Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, www.enchantedself.com

February 11, 2007 | Filed Under Recipe For Happiness | Leave a Comment 

Recipe for Happiness

Once again I was looking at my teabag quotes.  The other day my Yogi tea simply said, "Keep Up".  I thought that was a wonderful simple Recipe for Happiness. If we can keep up with whatever is important at each stage of life than we have a chance to live that stage to the fullest.  For instance, if I can ‘keep up’ with healthy food eating than I have a better chance to be healthy at any time in my life.  If I can ‘keep up’ with the innovations that exist in my culture than I have a better chance to understand them and integrate easier, perhaps quicker ways of doing ‘task’ chores into my day, leaving more time for pleasure.  If I can ‘keep up’ with feeling upbeat and optimistic than I have a greater chance of having more energy to expend and to feel good any day.  So it is critical to ‘KEEP UP’.  How wise a Recipe.

Hope to hear back from you.  Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, www.enchantedself.com

February 7, 2007 | Filed Under Recipe for Enchantment | Leave a Comment 

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