Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein is the originator of The Enchanted Self. She has been a positive psychologist in private practice and licensed in the states of New Jersey and Massachusetts since 1981.
Seven Gateways to Happiness for Us Women!
1. Discover and honor your talents, strengths, coping skills and potential
2. Love the story of your live and find ways to fall in love with who you are
3. Learn how to get your needs met
4. Take time to replenish, to enjoy life, and to find meaning and purpose everyday
5. Belong and don't isolate
6. Be a mentor and find mentors
7. Live generously. Do positive actions and good deeds
For those of you not that familiar with The Enchanted Self, and those of you that are, sit back and enjoy me sharing what The Enchanted Self is with Thor the Barbarian. This is a great show!
Dr. Barbara's Happiness for Women Only Radio Series
Listen to the Radio Show Archives
The Happiness for Women Only! series focuses on different age groups as seen below. We take a look at happiness as viewed through the lenses of The Seven Gateways to Happiness.
Dr. Barbara hosts this series, accompanied by her two outstanding guests: Dr. Sandra Prince-Embury, nationally know resiliency expert and author of The Resiliency Scales for Children and Adolescents and Martha Trowbridge, author of books on Inspiration For Women in Crisis.
"Getting to The Truth and More!" (20-35)
"Women and Wisdom Gathering" (Ages 36-49)
"Welcome the Enchanted AARP Woman!" (Ages 50 plus)
A wonderful discussion for all age groups!
My Books
THE TRUTH: I'm a Girl, I'm Smart and I Know Everything!
In the mothers' and daughters' version, this girl encapsulates the spark and energy that your daughter has inside of her, and that you had inside of yourself as a girl. It is this special capacity for fun and wisdom that we need to protect in our girls and get back to ourselves!
Let's rejoice in the girl inside of ourselves. Let's give courage and affirmation to our daughters and granddaughters so they know from the inside out, it is ok, in fact, essential to keep her alive, as they grow up.
The Truth, I'm 10, I'm Smart & I Know Everything.
The adult women's version is a delightful, humorous secret diary, written by a girl who is 10-11 years of age. She is wise and yet so innocent. She makes us cry and laugh and remember ourselves. Behind this very easy read is the psychological message to the women reading THE TRUTH that they can and must recapture the fire and passion of their girlhoods not only for themselves to flourish and be happy, but for the next generation to also have the gifts of good emotional and spiritual health.
This book is filled with emotional and delightful reminiscences that will charm you even as you are inspired to begin thinking of your own ways to bring delight into your hearts.
A collection of stories that is guaranteed to make you Feel Good. Click on the title to find out about the free gifts you will receive or here to learn more about the stories.
Recipes for Enchantment, The Secret Ingredient is YOU! is a culmination of over ten years of work and research in the field of personal enchantment by Dr. Barbara. She teaches us how to recall positive memories, regardless of our history, recognize our potential, and bring into our lives more of what gives us pleasure and joy. This is all combined with daily positive actions.
The Enchanted Self, A Positive Therapy
Through my work as a therapist, I have become concerned that we do not keep clearly enough how to reclaim what is positive about ourselves. This led me to write my book, The Enchanted Self, A Positive Therapy, published in 1997 by Harwood Academic Press. This book was probably the first and only book for mental health care providers and the interested public, to lay out the tools necessary to create a positive mind set and live an affirmative and affirming way of life!
You Can Always Add a Blessing to Someone's Life
Once a poor man was refreshed by a wonderful tree. He was hungry and ate a juicy apple from the tree. Now he was tired and the tree helped keep him cool as he slept. When he woke up, he spoke to the tree. "I want to repay you in some way for helping me. But I have nothing! What can I do?" He thought for a moment and an idea floated into his mind. "I could give you a blessing! But you don’t need long life, you couldn’t be this big without having lived many, many years already. I can’t bless you with juicy ripe fruit, as you have an abundance of that already. Wait, I have it. I bless you that all the seeds from you will find homes in the rich soil and grow into wonderful trees, just as splendid as you are!"
And so the man went on his way, feeling satisfied and happy. As he looked back he saw the tree gently waving to him and all was good!
Yes, there is a recipe for enchantment in the above story. The recipe is simply to bless others, perhaps to thank them, perhaps just to warm their hearts. Your words can give hope and encouragement. You don’t formally need to use the word blessing to do just that! For instance: ‘May you do well on your job interviews!’ ‘May you get a good report from the doctor.’ ‘Have a great vacation and come back refreshed.’ ‘I’m looking forward to a great report on your dinner party. Your food always tastes so good.’
For this recipe to really simmer all month, keep stirring the pot by adding in one new blessing a day! A blessing gets to be added in once you have said it to someone.
May your pot fill to the top with good feelings, warmth and delight! Take full servings often as you can easily fill the pot back up–you know the SECRET (blessings).
The story was loosely adapted from a tale, Say Thank You With A Blessing. p. 103, from the book, The Bird of Paradise and Other Sabbath Stories by Steven M. Rosman, UAHC Press, New York, New York.
Wow, What a wonderful blessing and story. May I use this for my e-mail newsletter for the month of September as the Recipe for ENCHANTMENT? All my best, Dr. Barbara
Blessings from Felicia Weinberg
Enjoy life both in your dreams and in actuality. May you look at the world with new eyes each day and find possible adventure around every corner you approach. May you choose to follow those adventures on a daily basis, even if they are only the adventures of your mind, enjoyed from the safety of the recliner in your own living room.
by Felicia Weinberg
http://www.Rhymeniks.com
How to Go Away to Come Back
First: Promise yourself to leave at least once a day.
Second: Find three to five minutes for your personal escape.
Third: Escape, replenish or refresh yourself and come back.
Ideas for Going Away:
Walk outside and look around at the sky, the flowers, and passersby. Take three deep breaths and remind yourself about one special positive trait you have.
Keep a pile of your favorite photographs, beautiful clippings from magazines, or some favorite fragrances in your pocketbook or desk. Take several minutes and enjoy your private stash. Before you go back "in" remind yourself of one of the nicest things that has ever happened to you.
Walk very slowly, breathing deeply as you walk. Repeat a positive word or expression as you do this, such as "the world is a lovely place" or "it feels good to love".
Remember to customize your "leaving to come back" to be uniquely yours. What may give me pleasure and a sense of escape might be meaningless to you. That’s why I only offer ideas. You are the inventor of your personal escape hatch! Have fun and come back refreshed!
Recipe for Enchantment
One way to bring Enchantment into One’s Life is to Help Others …
Here is a simple recipe: Take some time over the next month or two to visit a sick friend, relative or stranger. Perhaps there is even a neighbor down the street who could benefit from some company. If you don’t know who to visit, your minister, rabbi, or priest could easily assign you someone. Here are the simple ingredients to bring with you for the visit:*
- Make sure the time is convenient.
- Don’t stay too long.
- Be a good listener.
- Be observant.
- Take an interest in what you can find out about the person just by looking around.
- Don’t talk about your problems.
- Make easy, light conversation that includes positive remarks.
- Maintain a stance of hope and optimism.
- Listen for and encourage the person to talk about herself. Remember: everyone has a story!
- Be warm as you leave and give feedback as to what you learned and tell the person that you enjoyed being there.
Leave feeling proud of yourself. "Congratulate yourself on doing a good deed. You have just improved someone’s health by showing her that someone cares."
This is a great recipe because more that one person benefits!
*The ideas for this recipe come from The Hesed Boomerang by Jack Doueck. ‘Hesed’ means doing good.
Relishing Enchanted Moments
That is a great question. I think you are talking about those special times in our lives when we feel so alive and filled with a real feeling of personal well-being. They are the times that we really don’t want to end. I often call them ‘Enchanted Moments. ‘We can’t ever have enough of them. I know I have found myself having more Enchanted Moments and enjoying life’s little pleasures more fully as I have found ways to better recognize and relish good times. Let me share some of the ways to do this, by first sharing with you an Enchanted Moment–yet at the same time an ordinary moment on an ordinary day in the life of a regular person–so you can get a sense of what one is like. One that comes to mind happened to my colleague on The Enchanted Self project, Doreen Laperdon-Addison, and her daughter.
To read more click here.
Adventuring–We All Need to Do it!
That is a very good question!
Even in times when we are being encouraged to be more careful there is a part of each of ourselves that needs adventure and daring. I certainly know I have that part of me. It craved travel when I was young and nagged at me until I went to Europe on my own with a friend at 20–and it still nags at me. Fortunately, I have discovered through my ENCHANTED SELF work as a psychologist that we can often find adventure right in front of our noses.
What we need is a sense of adventure that permits us to recognize and go with an opportunity that appears, as if by magic. That is what happened to me recently.
To read more – Click Here
Story – Was she an angel?
Many years ago, Annie’s* great uncle, a furrier in the lower East Side of New York, was busy helping customers in his shop. The end of the day was coming quickly. Although eager for business, he was also eager to close his store, lock up and make his way through the crowds to his train. He was a man of precision and routine and always made a certain train. In fact, he always sat in a certain car. He would then take out his reading glasses, indulge in his daily newspaper’s late edition, relax and look forward to his loving wife waiting with a nourishing evening meal.
He had just breathed a sigh of relief as the last customer left, when an attractive older woman walked into the shop. Uncle Morris immediately felt a wave of anxiety. How could he be generous of spirit, perhaps give this woman all the time she needed, and yet still make his train? How could he explain that he needed to make his train? After all, a businessman is in business. She might only assume that one would stay open for a prospective customer.
Uncle Morris was plagued by these thoughts as he graciously began to assist the lady. Quickly it became apparent that this very lovely, older woman, beautifully attired in the finest woolen coat and hat, with fur trim and elegant long leather gloves was serious about a purchase of an expensive fur coat. She asked many relevant questions. She wanted to know the different types of pelts available, the styling that different pelts lent themselves to, the cost factor and the time factor in having a coat custom made.
Morris became more and more aware of the feeling of perspiration building up under his shirt collar. He was now acutely aware that he would probably miss his train. Suddenly, as he was feverishly working out the price of several different models for the customer, he looked up from his pad of paper. He noticed how much she resembled his dear departed mother. There was an uncanny resemblance. Something about her smile and her expression–especially the eyes!
Somehow this softened his heart as he felt a surge of love for his dear, departed mother.
His mood changed. He found himself intent upon helping this woman and quickly forgot his anxiety symptoms. He taught her a little bit about the different pelts. He showed her samples and gave her even more estimates. He stopped thinking about the time.
Ultimately she asked him to price a certain type of pelt in a certain style coat. She said that she would come back after he phoned her with the information and make the down payment. She gave him her phone number, thanked him profusely and left the store, with a smile and a nod goodbye.
As she left Morris glanced at his watch and of course without question, he had long missed his train. Still, he had enjoyed her company–and her smile! He put the information safely in a drawer, turned off the lights, double locked the door, brought down the steel safety window grid, set the alarm and walked to the train. He knew there was one in a half an hour that he would comfortably make.
He was astounded to find out that when he arrived at the train station that he would not be going home via the train. There were loud announcements telling people to go outside and instead take buses which would shortly be arriving.
Why? He couldn’t believe this. He was in shock as he learned that the train that he normally took, including the car that he normally sat in, had met with a terrible accident. There were many fatalities.
As he rode the bus home that night, he was trembling inside, so relieved to have been forced to take a later train ride.
A week or so later, Morris had checked on the pelts and the type of fur that the elegant, older lady had requested. He was ready to call her with the exact cost. He picked up the phone, dialing the number that she had left, only to be told by the operator that the number was not in service. "Oh well," he thought to himself, "perhaps one of the digits is off even though she wrote it down herself for me. Let me check her name and address."
He proceeded to do this and was told that there was no such address. He placed the receiver down, perplexed. He slowly formulated a thought that at first seemed impossible but then seemed close to probable. "That woman saved my life." He said to himself. "It’s very odd that now she doesn’t seem to exist. Also, if she hadn’t looked like my mother, I probably would have been less polite. I might have even rushed her out and made every effort to make my train. I wonder if she was sent here by God to protect me?"
Of course, we will never know. But it is a great story and helps us stay connected to the wonderment of miracles at this time of the year! Do you have a story to share? What appears to be a miracle in your life or someone you know? Please share the story with us! Send it to encself@aol.com.