Untitled Document

Recipe For Enchantment - The Three R's: Remembering the Best, Restoring Yourself, Rapture
by Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein

In today's world there are so many wonderful inspirational books. There are books filled with stories of Divine intervention, miracles happening, special positive moments never to be forgotten, and stories of incredible coincidences. They help make us feel in harmony with the universe. They help us fall asleep and have pleasant dreams. They often bring tears to our eyes, reinforcing an inner sense of wisdom that all is right with the world even when appearances say that is not so.

But there is one thing often missing from these books. It is the mental and emotional perspiration that we need to go through as we struggle to live a life of meaning and joy. The inspiration is there but it's the perspiration that most of us need to put into our daily lives to create for ourselves lives of enchantment. Because, enchantment for most of us, i.e., living a life of joy, a life that reflects many states of well being, again and again, is hard work.

Certainly we yearn for moments when the right thing happens at exactly the right time and the world opens up for us, whether it's a lucky break, meeting the right life partner or winning the lottery. And we all need at least some of those moments. But life, in reality, is filled with hundreds and thousands and probably millions of minutes that are repetitive or boring or simply ordinary. They involve getting up, brushing our teeth, driving to work safely, keeping a job, raising children, fighting off a cold, etc. It is all these times that THE ENCHANTED SELF focuses on. These are the moments that can be mundane, depressing dull or can be captivating, enlivening and filled with joy.

What is the difference? The difference is usually the perspiration. I mean the mental and emotional perspiration that is involved in what I call the three R's of enchantment. Let's look at the three R's of enchantment.

The first is REMEMBERING THE BEST AND LETTING GO OF THE REST.

This is a critical component to general well being and a sense of happiness on a daily basis. Most of us have sustained loss and experienced pain. Yes, we've been hurt. Opportunities or other people have shortchanged us. Sometimes we've been stepped upon, left or forgotten. If we spend our daily life focusing on these disappointments then we cannot release the positive energies we need to make the most of the present moment and to plan for the future. Grudges, negative thinking, disappointments, not forgiving, all get in the way of what can be done with the present. We need our psyche energies to seize opportunities we can take advantage of. This can't happen, if our energies are used up ruminating. Besides, there is beauty in our own story and most, if not all disappointments we've experienced have strengthened us. Often, we have even developed talents in coping with hard times that can re-emerge in ways to enhance pleasure and/or help us be of service to the world. For example, the child that was neglected or yelled at has an opportunity to be particularly kind to others as he or she gets older, maybe to teach others certain parenting skills having known first hand how it feels on the other side.

The second R in the three R's for enchantment is RESTORING YOURSELF. This is all about seeing your self in a positive way; not putting yourself down, not criticizing yourself. It means becoming your own best friend. Often taking better care of yourself becomes essential .For all of us, it is important to get enough rest, eat well, learn how to sort through the negative remarks that hurt, not get caught up and lost in the feelings those remarks engendered, and to value who we really are and what each of us has to offer the world.

This R is extremely difficult and involves a lot of mental and emotional perspiration. We are vulnerable to absorbing criticism and negative remarks about ourselves and actually internalizing them, making them ours. So there is much work to be done when we start to sift through feelings that we are less rather than more. We need to think of ourselves as more, not less.

The third R, the last R in enchantment, is what I call RAPTURE. Rapture is a strong, full word that incorporates a capacity for joy, a sense of well being that affects us in our own mind, body and spirit It is a feeling of being in harmony in a euphoric or an ecstatic way with others or the universe at large. Obviously, we don't go around in a state of rapture all the time. To experience even states of well being on a regular basis involves tremendous daily practice, while validating, incorporating and recognizing what brings us joy and pleasure. If we work and we perspire, mentally, emotionally, socially we will be rewarded. How? For one thing, the positive actions we take in our lives are pleasing to us and good for us. These positive actions will help us experience many pleasures along the continuum of enchantment, including a sense of well being, joyfulness, happiness, bliss, and at times feelings of rapture.

And so you see that enchantment is all about putting the meat in your soul's soup. It is about the muscle that goes with living a life of joy. Perspiration, daily practice, and daily routines that enhance the possibilities of living a life of enchantment, are all of hard work. Just remember though, before you get discouraged, it is even harder to live a miserable life. We pay for misery in so many ways. We pay for it in feeling fatigued and feeling that we don't have real purpose. We feel inside that there's a hole in our hearts or that we have missed the boat. We can feel aggravated, tense, fed up. We can feel that the future will be as miserable as the past. We can feel that we are ordinary rather than extraordinary. We can pay for a negative attitude with more physical and emotional illness so that the perspiration pours off of us in a different way.

I think it's smarter, since life is a struggle and since life is designed so that we work at whatever we're doing, that we practice enchantment and enjoy the perspiration and inspiration that goes with the practice. So promise yourself to take the JOYRIDE OF YOUR LIFE!

Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, a positive psychologist, teaches people how to enhance their lives--and consequently live lives of meaning and joy--by reclaiming what is positive about themselves. This is different from the traditional psychotherapeutic model because it is a paradigm shift designed to help us focus on our strengths rather than our disabilities and our weaknesses. The treatment model teaches both the clinician and the client how to look for purpose and a sense of well-being in daily living. She calls this process The Enchanted Self, A State of Well Being, Joy, and Happiness. Visit her website at http://www.enchantedself.com. To join The Enchanted Self E-group, click here. To subscribe to The Enchanted Self Monthly E-newsletter, click here.

THE ENCHANTED SELF® is a registered trademark of Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein.