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Enchantment in an E-mail - Mid-May 2005

Produced by Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein,
Psychologist, Happiness Coach, and Originator of
Welcome to the mid month issue of The Enchanted 
Self's e-newsletter! The following is what 
you will find in this month's issue. 
- Article: The Affair with Promise
- Share Your Enchantment!
- Announcements & Ordering information
  includes "Special Offer for Subscribers"
- E-group: Connect with others like you!

The Affair with Promise
by Bill Dolan

Dear Readers,  Most of us women realize that we have an 
Enchanted Self -a special part of ourselves that is 
unique, that ties into our positive personal memories 
and from which we can discover and rediscover our 
talents, our strengths, the story of our lives and even 
our lost potential.  MEN also have an ENCHANTED SELF!  

Truly.  Sometimes men don't respond to the phrase the 
same way as us women.  My husband, Dr. Russell 
Holstein, (also a psychologist), suggested I call the 
project The Enhanced Self, when referring to men.  
Whatever it is called, men also have wonderful treasure 
chests of positive memories and once those treasures 
are opened up they are a treat to share.   
I am delighted to share with you a story written by 
Bill Dolan.  He shared this story with me, telling me 
that my emphasis on helping people retrieve positive 
parts of themselves from their past memories, was the 
encouragement he needed to write the story down.  It is 
a wonderful story, filled with touching and growth 
promoting memories of a loving grandfather, a boat and 
lessons learned.  I hope you enjoy this story as much 
as I did and use it to infuse yourself with the courage 
to write some of your story down.  After all, you are 
the hero or heroine of your life, the lead player, the 
star!  Please share by sending your story to me at  Thanks so much,  Dr. Barbara Becker 
The Affair with Promise
by Bill Dolan
My wife claims that I am an individual with a healthy 
amount of salt water in my veins and blood corpuscles 
that look like little sailboats when put under the 
microscope. Much of this is owed to my boat-building 
Grandfather who insisted that I learn to sail a boat 
before ever considering taking to the waves in a 
powerboat. As a child, growing up in Rumson, New 
Jersey, the waters of the North Shrewsbury River (now 
called the Navesink) and Atlantic were mere blocks away 
and provided a strong draw for a kid growing up with 
webbed toes and a desire to see just what was over the 
My grandfather, who’s career as a shipwright would span 
some fifty-five years, would have his 30-foot Sea 
Bright Skiff creations hauled from his boat shed to the 
river by tractor. These were heavy clinker built wooden 
open workboats used in the coastal areas for gill net 
fishing and designed in such a way as to be run through 
the surf up on to the beach while filled with fish. 
Outside of a large powered ripsaw, the boats were 
constructed mostly by using hand tools. The attention 
to construction details was exceptional. Bronze 
fittings were hand cast in a sand mold then filed to 
fit. I recall the expression of genuine pride in 
workmanship upon his face as he would check and recheck 
the craft’s fittings in preparation to turn this wooden 
craft over to its new owner. True, getting paid 
probably had something to do with it too, but all in 
all, it was a day that he would dress in a tie and his 
finer blue coveralls, arm himself with his pipe and a 
pocket sized can of Prince Albert tobacco, then with 
his pipe firmly clenched in his teeth, proudly walk 
alongside the boat to the river. 
After much badgering, I coerced my grandfather into 
building me a small craft that I could use to traverse 
the river. I would have much preferred a boat with a 
sizeable horsepower engine that I could use to impress 
my young friends while roaring about the river, but 
what came out of the back end of the boat shop was a 
delightful little cat with an oversized sail. 
Grandfather had an almost new sail stored in his boat 
shed and clearly the boat was built around the 
available sail. 
My Grandmother named the little boat ‘Promise’. It 
looked very much like a cross between an over grown 
Woodpussy and a Sandbagger. She had a forest green 
painted hull and smelled heavily of cedar and varnish. 
A young but strong back, a set of heavy ash oars and 
bronze oarlocks provided auxiliary power.  It was a 
fine, rugged little craft about 16 feet long built of 
cedar over oak frames with a plumb stem and plumb 
stern, a taller than average spar, large gaff headed 
sail and tiller steering. Her heavy lapstrake hull was 
more characteristic of the workboats Grandfather would 
build in his shop than the classic lines of a modern 
cat.  I recall I met it with mixed emotions. 
A sailboat?  Probably just as well since I had no idea 
on how I would earn enough money to put gas in a 
powerboat. I was thirteen and just about anything that 
would take me three miles away and over the horizon was 
exciting! It was the ‘Tom Sawyer’ gene in the DNA 
strand making its appearance in my life. 
In retrospect, I was more excited about the boat than I 
let on. Finally, it was the day to be hauled to the 
river. As the tractor tugged the cart carrying 
‘Promise’ the two blocks from Church Street to the 
river, I proudly walked alongside Granddad. The small 
craft quickly took to the water and there was a hasty 
bending on of the sail and arranging of lines. Now with 
anticipation running high, I could not wait to get into 
that boat! 
At that time, and especially in that salty quiet little 
community, the thought must have prevailed that all 
males were born with an inherent ability to sail. My 
excitement soon gave way to sheer panic as I was pushed 
away from the dock and told to figure out how to get 
back on my own! As night fell, the river’s current had 
me more than two miles down river with the rest of the 
flotsam and jetsam, moving swiftly around the river’s 
bend and still ‘working it out’ when, in total 
darkness, I received a tow back to the dock from one of 
Granddad’s friends who was told to be on the lookout. 
As the beautiful summer days of coastal New Jersey 
passed, I found myself learning the fundamentals of 
sailing over the dinner table from Granddad and eager 
to try out my lessons next day on the river. Thus 
proving to myself, that I could get there and back. 
Being a small cat, I knew I could beach her and that 
she would easily make her way through the frequent 
shoals and sandbars of the North Shrewsbury. The waning 
days of August would find me packing my seine net, 
fishing pole and lunch, then setting out under a clear 
azure blue sky for Clay Pit Creek some three miles 
away. My little wood craft would safely get me there, 
then get me back sometimes after dark. They were fond 
memories of happy days growing up on the river. 
Years passed and I never did get the powerboat I 
wanted. Yet, I was always content with her little green 
hull pushed by a now old canvas sail. As the hormonal 
drip of youth started, my seine net and fishing pole 
gave way to food baskets and young ladies enjoying 
pleasant sails and picnics on secluded areas of the 
Life pressed on with torrential rains, wars and 
hurricanes.  Through college and as my life’s focus 
changed, the little green-hulled catboat shamefully 
fell to abandonment and disrepair. Grandfather had now 
slipped beneath the waves and there was no one 
available to maintain her.  I would think of her 
occasionally as one does a departed friend, but the 
distance between us left little to do in saving her. 
Still, she was a part of my life, as I would recall in 
fond memories that are at times needed to pull one 
through a difficult day. 
I became an Army Aviator and still the lessons learned 
as a boy on ‘Promise’ would prove of value on a daily 
basis. Sailboats and airplanes have so much in common 
and, in a way, she was with me in flight school. 
Rudders, airfoils and navigation; it was all very 
familiar thanks to the adventures on my little catboat 
It was at 8500 feet over Cam Rahn Bay off the coast of 
Vietnam that I casually glanced down from the left seat 
of my twin-engine reconnaissance aircraft upon the 
working sailboats in the bay. While I screamed across 
the bay at 200 knots, they plodded along at 4 knots. 
For an instant my mind wandered and I found myself 
secretly wishing I was under canvas rather than driving 
this airplane. It was easy to recall life at a simpler 
time aboard ‘Promise’. It was then that I vowed to 
myself; if I could not rebuild my little boat, I would 
replace her with another cat. 
Time passed and life settled.  Although ‘Promise’ is 
long gone, I have pictures of my kids, who now have 
children of their own, all happily perched on the 
foredeck of my green hull Sanderling. I am left with 
the thought that perhaps one does not need any more 
boat in life than a simple cat boat.  

Share Your Enchantment!

Share your positive stories and questions about
enchantment with us and other Enchanted Self
readers around the globe!  Our twice monthly e-zine
focuses on YOU and reaches a subscriber list of
almost 2,800 people from the US, Canada, Australia,
the United Kingdom, and many other countries!
Please send stories, comments, and questions to


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Today Dan is offering you over $1,750 dollars in bonus 
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Special Offer for Subscribers

Lots of readers ask me how to really start to find 
their Enchanted Self. What is the best way? One ideal 
path is to read Recipes for Enchantment, The Secret 
Ingredient is YOU! and also listen to the cassette of 
CD version of THE ENCHANTED SELF, A Positive Therapy.  
These two together really get you going. 
Recipes for Enchantment is a collection of enchanting 
and motivational short stories and the follow up 
exercises which allow the reader to relate the messages 
to their own experiences.
The Enchanted Self, A Positive Therapy, shares that we 
live joyfully when we learn how to use our memories to 
retrieve our talents, strengths and even our lost potential. 
The result is a joyful re-inventing of ourselves in ways 
that uniquely suit us and our circumstances. You will 
also enjoy listening to me as I share lots of people's 
stories, including my own. I am excited to offer you this 
package so that soon you will be having so many more 
"enchanted moments". 
The combination is simply irresistible!
As a spring special I am eager to send both to you at 
a reduced fee. The cost for the book, Recipes for 
Enchantment, The Secret Ingredient is YOU! and the 
cassette set of The Enchanted Self is $23.00 including 
postage.For the book, Recipes for Enchantment, The 
Secret Ingredient is YOU! and the CD version of The 
Enchanted Self, the cost is $27.00 including postage
Both are greatly reduced. I really want you to have them!
You can send me a check at 170 Morris Ave., Long Branch, 
New Jersey, 07711 or call me at 1-732-571-1200 and order 
by credit card.  
This is really too good a bargain to miss out on! I'll 
even throw in a secret little gift as a surprise. For 
more information and ordering please email me at
e-Radio Magazine

I am thrilled to announce that I now have an e-radio 
magazine, of course called THE ENCHANTED SELF. You can 
hear my monthly magazine by going to and look for THE ENCHANTED SELF.   
This month's edition is ACTS OF KINDNESS.  I 
have on amazing guests, come and listen!
New Books and More!

I am thrilled to annouce the birth of two new Enchanted 
Self babies! Both are doing well and both are eager to 
come and play at your house! The first is Feel Good Stories, 
a book filled with laughter, wisdom and the human-side of 
life as only Bernice Becker, my wonderful Feel Good mom of 
85 can write for us! It is the first Enchanted Self Book that 
is not written by me! Will your wonderous thoughts be one 
of the future books?  
Anyway, come and look at her book, read an excerpt and 
hear her, by going to   
The second new baby, DELIGHT, is my baby-kicking up a 
storm as my journey of growth both emotional and spiritual 
is shared with you. And she isn't leaving until you come 
along! This is a CD-rom. You put the CD-rom in your 
computer-read my book, hear my voice, hear music and 
see wonderful art. This is a treat.  Please go to for 
more information. 
For all information on ENCHANTED SELF products go

E-group: Connect with others like you!

Find out "what's right with you--not what's
wrong!" Come chat with other "Enchanted Self-ers" 
Membership is free and you will have access to our 
on-line calendar, message board, chat room, and 
more.  It's a great way to connect with others who 
are exploring, creating and sharing their own 
positive and satisfying lives.  See you there!

Have an "enchanting" month.  I wish you all many
enchanted moments!

Forwarding & Reprinting
(C) 2000-2004 Copyright The Enchanted Self - All
rights reserved.
Please feel free to pass this issue on to someone
who might enjoy it.  The Enchanted Self Newsletter
is copyrighted but may be quoted, reprinted, or
distributed in whole or part without prior
permission, provided the content is not changed
and attribution is given including:
Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein
I also encourage you to include this material in
other publications, such as self-healing and
professional psychology newsletters. However, I
do ask that you contact me beforehand for
permission and send a sample issue.

To learn more about THE ENCHANTED SELF(R) - An
Educational Approach to Positive Psychology, 
please contact me or visit my web site.
phone:  877-B-JOYFUL
fax:    732-571-1100

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