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ENCHANTMENT IN AN E-MAIL - AUGUST 2002

"Achieving Positive States of Mind and Body Again and Again"

Produced by Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein , Psychologist, Life Coach, and Originator of

THE ENCHANTED SELF(R)

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Welcome to the monthly publication of The Enchanted Self's e-newsletter!  The following is what you will find in this month's issue. 

Since Dr. Holstein is away on vacation, we have taken the liberty of revisiting some favorite summer Recipes for Enchantment, Quotes, and Blessings.  Enjoy!

Recipe for Enchantment #4 - How to Go Away to Come Back

First: Promise yourself to leave at least once a day.

Second: Find three to five minutes for your personal escape.

Third: Escape, replenish or refresh yourself and come back.

Ideas for Going Away:

Walk outside and look around at the sky, the flowers, and passersby. Take three deep breaths and remind yourself about one special positive trait you have.

Keep a pile of your favorite photographs, beautiful clippings from magazines, or some favorite fragrances in your pocketbook or desk.  Take several minutes and enjoy your private stash. Before you go back "in" remind yourself of one of the nicest things that has ever happened to you.

Walk very slowly, breathing deeply as you walk. Repeat a positive word or expression as you do this, such as "the world is a lovely place" or "it feels good to love".

Remember to customize your "leaving to come back" to be uniquely yours. What may give me pleasure and a sense of escape might be meaningless to you. That's why I only offer ideas. You are the inventor of your personal escape hatch! Have fun and come back refreshed!

Article: Yes, I Finally Dare to Be The ENCHANTRESS of Positive Psychology: Part 1

By Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein

We all have names.  Some are given to us.  My given name was Barbara Irene Becker.  Some names are taken in marriage.  My married name is Barbara Irene Holstein. Some names are given to us as 'pet' names either by parents or significant others.  I have some pet names.  My parents called me Babsy and now my husband and I share pet names.

We take on some names as part of a way of identifying a deeply authentic part of ourselves.  In naming that part of ourselves, we birth it, we cherish it and let it emerge.  The name has power attached to it.  As we use and share the name it reinforces to our selves and others some very special parts of our selves or a special mission.  Once named, parts of our selves can come more fully into being.  Without a name, shadows and glimpses often are all we see of those special traits.

I have a name which is deeply authentic and special to me.  It is a new name that I have taken on in the last five years.  This name is the ENCHANTRESS, of Positive psychology, or more briefly, The ENCHANTRESS.  To understand why I have chosen this name for myself, after over 20 years in private practice as a psychologist I need to share with you how the energy around naming a concept or oneself is activated.

The word ENCHANTRESS incorporates within it a vision of my mission and life work as a psychologist.  Yet, this name did not emerge in the early years of my positive psychology work.  It was birthed years after the words THE ENCHANTED SELF came floating into my mind as I looked over the case study research on women I had done.

To briefly summarize, I had discovered that the women I interviewed outside of my practice had much more capacity for joy and a daily sense of well-being than I had anticipated.  Analyzing my case study material convinced me that we focus too much in our society on 'The Disenchanted Forest' part of our lives--the disappointments and let-downs--rather than on the enchanted side of life.  That is the wonderment of it all--the good times, the successes, the inner feelings of peace and harmony and being 'right' with the world.

Eventually, my 'a-ha' insight led to my journey as a psychologist, educator and a woman.  I felt there was energy to harness in naming my work THE ENCHANTED SELF.  I was pleased and amazed at times to see how much sustaining energy began to exude from the phrase THE ENCHANTED SELF.  I found myself being nourished by the expression as I said it over and over in my head and began to use it actively in my work.  The expression definitely gave me inspiration.  Also, immediately so many others 'caught' the phrase and began talking about their personal experiences of states of well-being as experiencing THE ENCHANTED SELF or Enchanted Moments.

Naming my first book, which teaches therapists and others how to make the paradigm shift of looking for what is right with our selves, rather than what is wrong, THE ENCHANTED SELF, A Positive Therapy, was a natural, a perfect fit.  My first book name was the summation of my inspiration--my deep desire to bring more light into the treatment chambers as well as the rest of our lives. 

Again, the very name had taken on such intense meaning for me, summing up exactly what I was offering.  How precious that book--my baby's first steps--were!  I saved and treasured every note and letter I received from the first readers of the book, as a mother saves the first snapshots!

Like a tired new mother, I quickly discovered that the publication of my first book, as the birth of a child, was just the beginning of extremely hard work.  I had a task ahead of me.  My mental perspiration had just begun.  As we all discover, inspiration is only a tiny bit of the battle.

The real work of ENCHANTMENT turned out to convincing others to incorporate within themselves a positive perspective about themselves.  Selling a book is far from easy.  Yet, convincing other therapists and the public that certain attitudes about our selves should be changed was even harder. 

For example, most therapists have been trained to look for pathology in a patient. i.e. What is wrong.  Although many also point out and support what is right about their clients, they may do that as a secondary aspect of the treatment.  Many therapists see the world of coaching as the natural arena to really focus on one's talents, dreams and aspirations.  Coaching is great, but I am convinced that the talents, coping skills, dreams and potential of a person, even if the person is plagued by problems, remain primary.  These positive attributes most always be supported, acknowledged and taken into account in a therapeutic setting.  It is from those parts of a person that the strength to grow and heal will spring forth.

I found similar barriers to my great news when I went to the public. Simply put, many people are convinced that feeling tired, depleted and down are simply the norms for a busy, hectic life.  Many women are quick to be helpful and nourishing to others but put themselves last on the list.  Our external values that emphasize a great figure, youth rather than wisdom, and the green goddess of money were also not helpful.  Although most people positively responded to THE ENCHANTED SELF, I felt it was often thrown in with love of your mother and apple pie--a given, but so what?

The good news about my mental perspiration was that writing THE ENCHANTED SELF, A Positive Therapy, forced me to compile and analyze my case notes and Enchanted self theories in ways that were easily transmitted and understood.

Now, I finally had the techniques to teach others how to work on their self-esteem, learn to better meet their needs and above all how to use their memory banks to rediscover what was right about themselves. 

Now I could teach how to sort through the good from the bad in one's past and finally how to rename the wondrous person inside of yourself that you are sure to find.  I could share how to find enchanted moments for your self again and again--moments of well-being that were so unique to you that they reinforced your talents, strengths, coping skills and potential.

Now I could show you how this all circles around in a spiral of learning and positive repetition so that over the years you can become more and more accustomed to states of well-being that work for you. 

I knew for sure, that THE ENCHANTED SELF becomes a living space in your own mind.  Being there is the prize.  Work--yes, tons of it, but so much better than depression, feeling lousy about ourselves and not having a sense of purpose.

But still I was in a dilemma--talk is cheap.  A book sells a few thousand copies if one is lucky.  How do I grab on to my mission and run with it?  Next time, I'll continue sharing how the energy of THE ENCHANTED SELF drew me beyond the treatment room into the magic of the world, and I'll share how my name, 'The ENCHANTRESS', came to be!

How to Order Books, Audio Tapes and more

How about some autographed copies of 'Recipes for Enchantment' with a free copy of The Enchanted Self's paper newsletter and a bookmark?  Perhaps you would be interested my first book, 'The Enchanted Self', which is also available on audio tape?  Here are some ways to order:

Tip: When shopping online use keywords "recipes for enchantment" and "enchanted self" to locate the books.

E-group: Connect with others like you!

Find out "what's right with you--not what's wrong!"  Come chat with other "Enchanted Self-ers" at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/encself.  Membership is free and you will have access to our on-line calendar, message board, chat room, and more.  It's a great way to connect with others who are exploring, creating and sharing their own positive and satisfying lives.  See you there!

Share Your Enchantment!

Share your positive stories and questions about enchantment with us and other Enchanted Self readers around the globe!  Our mid-month e-zine focuses on YOU and reaches a subscriber list of almost 700 people from the US , Canada , Australia , the United Kingdom , and many other countries!  Please send stories, comments, and questions to encself@aol.com.

Quote of the Month

"Nothing is as liberating as joy. It frees the mind and fills it with tranquility."

  -- Rebbe Nachman of Breslow

Blessing of the Month

May all of your story telling lead to vigor, wisdom, replenishment, and a confirmation on the enchantment of daily living. 

May your true song come through.

May all your days be full, as if with song birds, and your nights as if with nightingales.

Announcement: Upcoming Chats!

The Enchanted Self has some exciting news!  Soon we will be arranging chats at www.womensnet.net on a regular basis.  This is a great (free) opportunity for you to join in and share your own enchanted stories, as well as learn more about the Enchanted Self concepts.  More detailed information will be sent in a separate announcement.

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Have an "enchanting" month.  I wish you all many enchanted moments!

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Forwarding & Reprinting

(C) 2000-2002 Copyright The Enchanted Self All rights reserved.

Please feel free to pass this issue on to someone who might enjoy it.  The Enchanted Self Newsletter is copyrighted but may be quoted, reprinted, or distributed in whole or part without prior permission, provided the content is not changed and attribution is given including:

Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein

THE ENCHANTED SELF(R)

I also encourage you to include this material in other publications, such as self-healing and professional psychology newsletters. However, I do ask that you contact me beforehand for permission and send a sample issue.

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To learn more about THE ENCHANTED SELF(R) - A State of Well Being, Joy, and Happiness, please contact me or visit my web site.

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