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"Achieving Positive States of Mind and Body Again and Again"

Produced by Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein , Psychologist, Life Coach, and Originator of THE ENCHANTED SELF(R)


Welcome to the mid-month publication of The Enchanted Self's e-newsletter!  Each month I will focus on (and respond to) a question about enchantment and/or a reader's ideas on enchantment.


Question of the Month

"My days seem mundane and I am not happy.  I am surrounded by negativity.  How can I turn my life around?"


THE THREE R'S are: Remembering the Best, Restoring Yourself, and Rapture. In the following article I talk specifically about restoring yourself.  In next mid-month's issue, I will spend time talking about rapture.

RECIPE FOR ENCHANTMENT Part 2 - THE THREE R's: Remembering the Best, Restoring Yourself, Rapture

By Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein

If you remember, last time I shared with you how necessary it is to develop mental and emotional energy to live a life of meaning and joy. It is both the ways we view our lives and the actions we take on a daily basis that lead to fruitful living. The truth is, enchantment for most of us, i.e., living a life of joy, a life that reflects many states of well being, is hard work.

How do we take all the moments of life that are often repetitive and ordinary, and turn them into captivating personal times?  One way is through optimizing our own sense of well being. This internal state is particularly reactive to our emotional and physical states of health. For instance, I remember occasions when good things were about to happen, but I was so overtired or anxious that I could not appreciate a special day. I also remember occasions when nothing happened, but because I felt well rested and truly at peace with myself I enjoyed every moment.

How do we work on restoring ourselves? How do we gather our positive energies to be in our own best interest? Certainly one of the most critical factors is seeing yourself in a positive light. If I don't truly value myself, I am certainly not going to take good care of myself.  I am more responsive to the criticism from a negative spouse or parent than my own inner feelings of self worth. I may not take good care of myself and the results can be devastating.  Over the years I have seen so many clients who were not thriving because they had internalized negative comments, criticism and opinions from others.  The end result was that they began to believe the negative perceptions of themselves and ultimately saw themselves in a poor light.

It is very important to see yourself in a positive light. This means not putting yourself down and not criticizing yourself. It means becoming your own best friend. Often taking better care of yourself becomes essential.  For all of us, it is important to get enough rest, eat well, learn how to sort through the negative remarks that hurt, not get caught up and lost in the feelings those remarks engendered, and to value who we really are and what each of us has to offer the world.

This "R" is extremely difficult and involves a lot of mental and emotional perspiration. We are vulnerable to absorbing criticism and negative remarks about ourselves and actually internalizing them, making them ours. So there is much work to be done when we start to sift through feelings that we are less rather than more. We need to think of ourselves as more, not less.

I remember one client who had struggled to begin think of herself as more, not less. Her husband was often critical of her and constantly interruptive. For example when eating out he would often criticize her and spoil her pleasure by suggesting she had put on some pounds and might not want to order a particular item.  Around the house he would barge into a room and interrupt her telephone conversation or television show.  He would then bring up a subject in which she was presented as the culprit.

It was a wonderful day in her life when she was simply able to say when her husband interrupted her, "I am leaving the house for a few hours.  I hope upon my return your mood will be better and you will be treating me more appropriately."  She then took the car keys and went to visit a friend.  When she came back he was pleasant and in a totally different state. Although this was only part of the correction between them, it was a momentous moment in giving her a sense that not only must she think of herself as more, not less, but she also must have the courage to take positive appropriate action.

I hope you'll take some time to now think about yourself and come up with at least one or two ideas of healthy attitude changes or positive actions that will bring you closer to a wonderful sense of restoring yourself.


Please give us the pleasure of sharing your responses.  They may be posted on the web site or in future issues of the newsletter.  You can also chat about this topic or create your own in The Enchanted Self e-group at the following URL: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/encself



I will be offering two free sessions on "Creating Your Own RECIPE FOR ENCHANTMENT".  Anyone interested should read a copy of my book, RECIPES FOR ENCHANTMENT, The Secret Ingredient is YOU! which you can request from your local library, or order through www.amazon.com, www.1stbooks.com, or my own web site or your local bookstore.   If you are interested in this free opportunity please send your name to Rebecca Trelfa at rtrelfa@virtual-asst.com.  She will be gathering names of those interested.  Once we have enough people we will be announcing class, dates, times, and details.   



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Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein


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To learn more about THE ENCHANTED SELF(R) - A State of Well Being, Joy, and Happiness, please contact me or visit my web site.