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Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein is the originator of The Enchanted Self. She has been a positive psychologist in private practice and licensed in the states of New Jersey and Massachusetts since 1981.
Family Relationship Award of Excellence
My Books
Secrets: You Tell Me Yours and I’ll Tell You Mine…maybe!
Following on the heels of the best-selling book, The Truth, SECRETS is the continuing diary of a girl moving into her teen-age years. The Girl has plenty to fill her journal. The pages reveal a new school, a new baby in the family, new friends, a new guy and a new set of issues to face. Share the secret world of an almost-teen as she learns which secrets to share and which to keep to herself.
Download an excerpt of Secrets here.
THE TRUTH: I'm a Girl, I'm Smart and I Know Everything!
In the mothers' and daughters' version, this girl encapsulates the spark and energy that your daughter has inside of her, and that you had inside of yourself as a girl. It is this special capacity for fun and wisdom that we need to protect in our girls and get back to ourselves!
Let's rejoice in the girl inside of ourselves. Let's give courage and affirmation to our daughters and granddaughters so they know from the inside out, it is ok, in fact, essential to keep her alive, as they grow up.
The Truth, I'm 10, I'm Smart & I Know Everything.
The adult women's version is a delightful, humorous secret diary, written by a girl who is 10-11 years of age. She is wise and yet so innocent. She makes us cry and laugh and remember ourselves. Behind this very easy read is the psychological message to the women reading THE TRUTH that they can and must recapture the fire and passion of their girlhoods not only for themselves to flourish and be happy, but for the next generation to also have the gifts of good emotional and spiritual health.
This book is filled with emotional and delightful reminiscences that will charm you even as you are inspired to begin thinking of your own ways to bring delight into your hearts.
A collection of stories that is guaranteed to make you Feel Good. Click on the title to find out about the free gifts you will receive or here to learn more about the stories.
Recipes for Enchantment, The Secret Ingredient is YOU! is a culmination of over ten years of work and research in the field of personal enchantment by Dr. Barbara. She teaches us how to recall positive memories, regardless of our history, recognize our potential, and bring into our lives more of what gives us pleasure and joy. This is all combined with daily positive actions.
The Enchanted Self, A Positive Therapy
Through my work as a therapist, I have become concerned that we do not keep clearly enough how to reclaim what is positive about ourselves. This led me to write my book, The Enchanted Self, A Positive Therapy, published in 1997 by Harwood Academic Press. This book was probably the first and only book for mental health care providers and the interested public, to lay out the tools necessary to create a positive mind set and live an affirmative and affirming way of life!
Having just the right ingredients
Often people think of enchantment as being under a magical spell. When you think of magic you may even imagine putting together a potion that will create a desired spell. How long the spell will last can be a question for magicians or it may be an answer you may be able to answer yourself.
Like all good things you need to have the right ingredients to make it work. A great meal, a fantastic desert and many more treats requires the right balance. Having the right ingredients is not only for food but rather for anything we choose to do in life.
What does the perfect enchantment require? A pinch of this and a dash of that. A hint of this and a tad of that. Let’s not forget that all ingredients should be stirred. When we are able to mix all of the key elements and ingredients we want to use we find that even the smallest amounts of something can make everything else seem amazing.
What are some of the ingredients you use for your enchantment?
Always reaching for that rising star
Isn’t life just grand? If you are like most ordinary people that is not what you say each day. Yes. Life is grand but there are many obstacles that come in our way for letting us see how truly wonderful life really is.
You and I and other people you know have talents. Have you ever heard someone say to someone : “ I didn’t know you could …. How come you never talked about it or have done anything with your talent of….?” Where do our hidden talents remain when we are not using them? Better yet, why are they in hiding?
We are not here to answer the question but rather look for solutions. Do we enjoy dancing, baking, painting and so many other creative ways to express who we truly love to be? Of course! Then what we have to do is find a way to stay in this frame of mind for longer periods rather than just short glimpses of our reality.
Think about it-What is it that enabled you this time to go out of your zone to be and become or do what you truly love to do? Close your eyes… imagine a space that this can be your everyday reality…
Is Being Happy Enough? Asks Positive Psychologist, Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein
Watch my latest 4 minute video to see why Being Happy is great but not the whole answer. You can download a free copy of my Seven Gateways to Happiness on the front page of www.enchantedself.com to help you fill in your happiness quotient so you are really on the road to true contentment.
Skype Can Create Connections and Inspire
I am excited to bring you this guest post by Tara Miller. I really believe that technology like Skype will change the ways we get to visit and learn. It is an amazing option to be able to bring an author into a classroom via a tv or computer monitor and chat with her. Who would have thunk it?
Technology has the capability to connect people like never before. Cell phones link us to our loved ones from across time zones and hemispheres. E-mail links us to old classmates, teachers, and friends. Now, Skype sheds light on the possibility of not only providing another form of connection, but one that can inspire as well.
Skype is a software application that functions like a telephone call over the Internet. Video conferencing is also possible with Skype, making it a clearer and better version of chatting with a webcam on your computer. The best part about Skype, however, is that it is a low cost way to make long-distance connections. Calls between Skype users are free, which means that you can chat with someone halfway around the world without racking up expensive phone fees or burning through phone card minutes.
While the technology is certainly handy for friends to keep up with one another, the accessibility of Skype and its low costs also make it a perfect candidate for utilization in classrooms and businesses. Conference calling technology is already commonly used in classrooms to bring guest lecturers in to speak with students, but Skype can widen the scope of possible guest speakers because the guest lecturers would not need to be in the same time zone. In fact, the low cost of making international connections means that nearly any professional can participate in a Skype session, even those who live in another country. As an added bonus, those hosting and participating in Skype sessions would not have to be well-trained in technology, as Skype is refreshingly simple to set up.
By bringing authors into libraries through Skype, professionals into classrooms, experts into offices, and speakers into club meetings even if they are thousands of miles away, the audience can meet and get to know more of these people. For a child in a classroom, a simple Skype session with an astronaut, international business man, scientist, book editor, or politician can inspire them to consider careers they never before felt was within their reach. A regular Skype session with a club president can also help club members feel like their chapter is being acknowledged, inspiring them to keep giving their all in club activities. All in all, this type of technology can bring people and the feeling of possibility closer together.
By-line:This guest contribution was submitted by Tara Miller, who regularly writes for psychology degree. She especially loves hearing back from her readers. Questions or comments can be sent to: miller.tara23@gmail.com.
An Enchanted Self Moment in the New York Subways!
I notice the three men on the platform as I wait for an uptown subway. They dressed in a combination of elegance and thrift store. One of them has a pretty expensive leather jacket on. Was it warm enough for 30 degrees out? Also, his dressy shoes in leather were elegant but looked many years outdated. Boots might have served him better. Another had on sneakers that almost looked clownish. They were simply too big. The men are good looking, but worn and I guess between 40 and 55. Of course I ease drop as we wait. What else do I have to do? I am a bit tired of reading about the universe and our souls connecting. That is the message, I think, from the Deepak Chopra book in my bag. Or is it more about us all being atoms in motion although we look like solid matter? Or about how each soul matters in the evolution of the universe? Of is it both and also that we have the capacity to merge into….? What was it? Others? The futrure? Song?
Enough of that deep stuff. The subway train arrives and we all get on. That includes the three men. I forget about them and start to drag out the book again. Maybe I can ‘fathom’ another page.
Suddenly I become aware of singing. Is this the universe in Song? No it is the three men, who have suddenly become a Barbershop Quartet! They are good. I am amazed and pleased. So that is their deal. They get on and off subway cars, singing and collecting change! Oh,oh, the guy with the dressy shoes is coming up to me. I fumble in my bag and find some change. He is pleased as I put it into his hat. He sings to me: “Give me a kiss and we can start anew.” I don’t recognize the song but I love the words. I blush a girlish blush even though I am far from girlhood. He nods to me courteously and moves on. The moment passes. But I am still ‘in’ the moment.
Inside I am smiling and feel warm and cozy and connected to these men, to the strangers in the subway car and to myself! The smile on my lips and inside of me persists. It is lovely. Yes, the universe is suddenly in Song and I am the Star! What a lovely sensation.
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My Message to YOU!
Look for your Starring Moments and savor them!
Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein
Another Recipe for Happiness, based on The Enchanted Self Way of Life!
Recipe for Enchantment #24
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Take the advice of an 83 year old lady and follow it:
Read more and dust less.
Sit in the yard, admire the view.
Weed less.
Don’t ‘save’. Use your good China and crystal for
every event–even getting your sink unstopped.
Wear your good perfume for clerks in the hardware
store and tellers at the bank.
Do what you want to do. Think less in terms of
‘someday’ or ‘one of these days’.
Be there for those you love and for yourself!
Use this recipe again and again. Do not store–
keep in out on the counter for easy access.
Enjoy!
— This recipe is loosely based on a letter
written by an 83 year old that made its way
around the web.
The Enchanted Self and Magic Potions We Can All Mix That Work Perfectly!
When I talk about magic potions–an expression I use to add drama and fire to our cold winter days–I am really talking about individual mental health formulas designed for each person. These are available in various sizes, shapes and compositions. Just like the old fashioned pharmacy where the pharmacist got out his mortar and pestle and mixed a compound for you when you didn’t feel well, our mental health magic potions are that unique, requiring individual mixing. In fact, a compound that agrees with me may not agree with you. So it is very important to take the time to mix exactly what each of us need. This is necessary for the full affect of joy and rejuvenation that each of us so deserve this holiday season.
Now let’s look at what makes a mental health potion real magic. The best way I can initially teach you about these magic potions is by example. For me, a magic potion this time of year is simply to walk outside of the house, as I did this morning to listen to a crow up in a tree calling its song. This ordinary bird, not usually sought after for its song, has always quickened my heart and unleashed a momentary but real sense of well-being.
For many, many years I’ve wondered why. The best I can determine is that I have memories, partially forgotten, which I call in my book, THE ENCHANTED SELF: A Positive Therapy, “shadow prints of the mind.”
These vague memories are without a clear storyline but do seem to take me back to my grandmother Rose Silverman that I loved so much. The crow’s call starts a memory trace that includes Rosen Road where my grandparents lived. I do not remember any crows calling, but I do remember lying in my bed and experiencing the wider world through an open window.
I felt content lying there, enjoying the aromas of flowers and cooking, the street noises, including children’s voices laughing and shouting, cars and, of course, nature’s voice: the birds chirping, and the trees rustling. All of this made me feel so safe, drowsily content and anticipating what our adventures that day would be.
Perhaps I’d get to ride on the swan boats downtown at Boston Common, feed the pigeons and grandpa would buy me a balloon. Or maybe we would be going to visit a relative and I would be offered a wonderful box of chocolates from which to pick one or two special selections. Then I would get to dance and show off and receive some well appreciated praise.
How lovely to bring all that back in a flash! I want to thank the crow that was up in the tree today for being there and so exquisitely offering me the exact mental health potion that I needed to start my day.
Recipe for Enchantment #20
Living a Life of Enchantment is Very Simple. You need to stir together and develop seven capacities that we all have:
1. You need to know yourself.
2. You need also to like yourself.
3. You need to meet your needs.
4. You need to build pleasure and replenishment into your life.
5. You need to belong.
6. You need to find mentors and to be a mentor.
7. You need to build a life of meaning–your positive behaviors are the key to this.
That’s it. Stir these capacities together.
Feel free to mix and match. You may find you are seasoning your life with one or two more than the others at various stages.
That is OK.
Eventually they all work in your behalf. Don’t be afraid to pass this recipe on. The more people who ‘cook’ their lives in this fashion, the happier we will all be.
You Never Know What Affect You Will Have On Someone!
I will never forget the following: I was so moved listening to Steve Hartmen on CBS News. He did one of his “Everyone Has a Story” and this lady certainly did. He had gone somewhere in Wisconsin, randomly found a lady and talked to her. At first, she tried to beg off and actually told him that he was violating her privacy but after they talked for an hour she shared a story that she had never told anyone.
About ten years ago, after her mother had just died and her husband had suddenly walked out on her, she was feeling very low. In fact, she kept thinking about a bottle of pills in her bathroom that she wanted to swallow-all at once. She felt so terrible that she walked toward the bathroom to do just that–suddenly the phone rang.
It was an uncle of hers, just checking in, to see how she was doing. She lied, talked awhile and then got off the phone … to continue to walk toward the bathroom. The phone rang again. This time it was another relative, calling out of the blue, to see how she was doing. Again, she lied and when she could finally get off the phone she walked down the hall toward the bathroom. Unbelievably the phone rang a third time. Now it was a friend from high school that hadn’t called in years, just checking in.
Well, this time, when she hung up, she didn’t go back toward the bathroom. She told Steve, that never, never did she get three calls that close in a row–the phone sometimes didn’t ring for days. She realized that these calls were somehow meant to keep her alive. In fact, she felt that the last caller had saved her life. She never attempted to take her life again.
Steve than went and found the woman who made the third phone call. He asked her if she was aware that she saved her friend’s life. She was totally unaware, and just barely remembered calling to say ‘hello’.
This real life story, told for the first time, is incredible. Not only does it suggest the hand of the great Divine, but also teaches us that we must act. Even the great Divine needs our assistance! We must be in each other’s best interests. We must take the time to check in, to say hello, to see how each other are doing. We never know how much power the simplest gesture may be making on someone else.
Here’s my story-at least the one that comes to me. I remember I was in a play when I was eight. Actually, I had a walk on part, as a ‘child’ in A Streetcar Named Desire, at the local college. The director, Mr. Dickenson, (Can you believe I remember his name?) sent me some flowers and a note thanking me for being in the show and doing a great job. I must have read that note a hundred times!
How hard was it for an eight year old to play being an eight year old and walk across the stage holding a lady’s hand? But he thought my acting was worth noting. Do you know how good I felt? How many times I read that note and memorized it? How special he made me feel? No wonder I remember his name. Thank you, Mr. Dickenson!
Let’s all try to reach out — not only do we all have our stories but we can all wave such wonderful magic wands for each other!
Some Thoughts for Having Mental and Emotional Fun!
My dear friend and mentor, Mr. Del Sylvester used to say that if you become interested in anything, it will become interesting. I knew Mr Sylvester when I was a teenager. I don’t think I fully understood this concept then. Now I do. I see that if we bother to get interested in an activity or in somebody, most of the time, that activity or person becomes more and more interesting to us. For example, if I start to knit I may get a kick out of the first line of stitches. But if I hang in and I’m wearing a beautiful sweater that I knitted, I sure to get even more pleasure from this new hobby. Likewise, if you adopt a pet, you are often amazed at how special he is as you get to play with him. Suddenly you are in love!
Here is a way to get your mind stimulated. What are three activities you would like to get interested in? In fact, to make it even more interesting, what are three things or activities you would like to do for a week? Here are three I would enjoy:
1. Studying about unsolved mysteries of the world and universe with great thinkers and scientists.
2. Learning about gourmet foods, and beverages of the world with top culinary experts, with hands on cooking events.
3. Working with a prop professional on a movie set and learning how to find accurate props to recreate the 1940′s.
Now what would you like to spend a week getting interested in?
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Listen to Barbara on:
Inspirational Celebrity and Book Reviews
Tuesdays
9:30 a.m. & 3:30 p.m. cst