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Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein is the originator of The Enchanted Self. She has been a positive psychologist in private practice and licensed in the states of New Jersey and Massachusetts since 1981.
Family Relationship Award of Excellence
My Books
Secrets: You Tell Me Yours and I’ll Tell You Mine…maybe!
Following on the heels of the best-selling book, The Truth, SECRETS is the continuing diary of a girl moving into her teen-age years. The Girl has plenty to fill her journal. The pages reveal a new school, a new baby in the family, new friends, a new guy and a new set of issues to face. Share the secret world of an almost-teen as she learns which secrets to share and which to keep to herself.
Download an excerpt of Secrets here.
THE TRUTH: I'm a Girl, I'm Smart and I Know Everything!
In the mothers' and daughters' version, this girl encapsulates the spark and energy that your daughter has inside of her, and that you had inside of yourself as a girl. It is this special capacity for fun and wisdom that we need to protect in our girls and get back to ourselves!
Let's rejoice in the girl inside of ourselves. Let's give courage and affirmation to our daughters and granddaughters so they know from the inside out, it is ok, in fact, essential to keep her alive, as they grow up.
The Truth, I'm 10, I'm Smart & I Know Everything.
The adult women's version is a delightful, humorous secret diary, written by a girl who is 10-11 years of age. She is wise and yet so innocent. She makes us cry and laugh and remember ourselves. Behind this very easy read is the psychological message to the women reading THE TRUTH that they can and must recapture the fire and passion of their girlhoods not only for themselves to flourish and be happy, but for the next generation to also have the gifts of good emotional and spiritual health.
This book is filled with emotional and delightful reminiscences that will charm you even as you are inspired to begin thinking of your own ways to bring delight into your hearts.
A collection of stories that is guaranteed to make you Feel Good. Click on the title to find out about the free gifts you will receive or here to learn more about the stories.
Recipes for Enchantment, The Secret Ingredient is YOU! is a culmination of over ten years of work and research in the field of personal enchantment by Dr. Barbara. She teaches us how to recall positive memories, regardless of our history, recognize our potential, and bring into our lives more of what gives us pleasure and joy. This is all combined with daily positive actions.
The Enchanted Self, A Positive Therapy
Through my work as a therapist, I have become concerned that we do not keep clearly enough how to reclaim what is positive about ourselves. This led me to write my book, The Enchanted Self, A Positive Therapy, published in 1997 by Harwood Academic Press. This book was probably the first and only book for mental health care providers and the interested public, to lay out the tools necessary to create a positive mind set and live an affirmative and affirming way of life!
Another Recipe for Happiness, based on The Enchanted Self Way of Life!
Recipe for Enchantment #24
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Take the advice of an 83 year old lady and follow it:
Read more and dust less.
Sit in the yard, admire the view.
Weed less.
Don’t ‘save’. Use your good China and crystal for
every event–even getting your sink unstopped.
Wear your good perfume for clerks in the hardware
store and tellers at the bank.
Do what you want to do. Think less in terms of
‘someday’ or ‘one of these days’.
Be there for those you love and for yourself!
Use this recipe again and again. Do not store–
keep in out on the counter for easy access.
Enjoy!
— This recipe is loosely based on a letter
written by an 83 year old that made its way
around the web.
The Enchanted Self and Magic Potions We Can All Mix That Work Perfectly!
When I talk about magic potions–an expression I use to add drama and fire to our cold winter days–I am really talking about individual mental health formulas designed for each person. These are available in various sizes, shapes and compositions. Just like the old fashioned pharmacy where the pharmacist got out his mortar and pestle and mixed a compound for you when you didn’t feel well, our mental health magic potions are that unique, requiring individual mixing. In fact, a compound that agrees with me may not agree with you. So it is very important to take the time to mix exactly what each of us need. This is necessary for the full affect of joy and rejuvenation that each of us so deserve this holiday season.
Now let’s look at what makes a mental health potion real magic. The best way I can initially teach you about these magic potions is by example. For me, a magic potion this time of year is simply to walk outside of the house, as I did this morning to listen to a crow up in a tree calling its song. This ordinary bird, not usually sought after for its song, has always quickened my heart and unleashed a momentary but real sense of well-being.
For many, many years I’ve wondered why. The best I can determine is that I have memories, partially forgotten, which I call in my book, THE ENCHANTED SELF: A Positive Therapy, “shadow prints of the mind.”
These vague memories are without a clear storyline but do seem to take me back to my grandmother Rose Silverman that I loved so much. The crow’s call starts a memory trace that includes Rosen Road where my grandparents lived. I do not remember any crows calling, but I do remember lying in my bed and experiencing the wider world through an open window.
I felt content lying there, enjoying the aromas of flowers and cooking, the street noises, including children’s voices laughing and shouting, cars and, of course, nature’s voice: the birds chirping, and the trees rustling. All of this made me feel so safe, drowsily content and anticipating what our adventures that day would be.
Perhaps I’d get to ride on the swan boats downtown at Boston Common, feed the pigeons and grandpa would buy me a balloon. Or maybe we would be going to visit a relative and I would be offered a wonderful box of chocolates from which to pick one or two special selections. Then I would get to dance and show off and receive some well appreciated praise.
How lovely to bring all that back in a flash! I want to thank the crow that was up in the tree today for being there and so exquisitely offering me the exact mental health potion that I needed to start my day.
Recipe for Enchantment #20
Living a Life of Enchantment is Very Simple. You need to stir together and develop seven capacities that we all have:
1. You need to know yourself.
2. You need also to like yourself.
3. You need to meet your needs.
4. You need to build pleasure and replenishment into your life.
5. You need to belong.
6. You need to find mentors and to be a mentor.
7. You need to build a life of meaning–your positive behaviors are the key to this.
That’s it. Stir these capacities together.
Feel free to mix and match. You may find you are seasoning your life with one or two more than the others at various stages.
That is OK.
Eventually they all work in your behalf. Don’t be afraid to pass this recipe on. The more people who ‘cook’ their lives in this fashion, the happier we will all be.
You Never Know What Affect You Will Have On Someone!
I will never forget the following: I was so moved listening to Steve Hartmen on CBS News. He did one of his “Everyone Has a Story” and this lady certainly did. He had gone somewhere in Wisconsin, randomly found a lady and talked to her. At first, she tried to beg off and actually told him that he was violating her privacy but after they talked for an hour she shared a story that she had never told anyone.
About ten years ago, after her mother had just died and her husband had suddenly walked out on her, she was feeling very low. In fact, she kept thinking about a bottle of pills in her bathroom that she wanted to swallow-all at once. She felt so terrible that she walked toward the bathroom to do just that–suddenly the phone rang.
It was an uncle of hers, just checking in, to see how she was doing. She lied, talked awhile and then got off the phone … to continue to walk toward the bathroom. The phone rang again. This time it was another relative, calling out of the blue, to see how she was doing. Again, she lied and when she could finally get off the phone she walked down the hall toward the bathroom. Unbelievably the phone rang a third time. Now it was a friend from high school that hadn’t called in years, just checking in.
Well, this time, when she hung up, she didn’t go back toward the bathroom. She told Steve, that never, never did she get three calls that close in a row–the phone sometimes didn’t ring for days. She realized that these calls were somehow meant to keep her alive. In fact, she felt that the last caller had saved her life. She never attempted to take her life again.
Steve than went and found the woman who made the third phone call. He asked her if she was aware that she saved her friend’s life. She was totally unaware, and just barely remembered calling to say ‘hello’.
This real life story, told for the first time, is incredible. Not only does it suggest the hand of the great Divine, but also teaches us that we must act. Even the great Divine needs our assistance! We must be in each other’s best interests. We must take the time to check in, to say hello, to see how each other are doing. We never know how much power the simplest gesture may be making on someone else.
Here’s my story-at least the one that comes to me. I remember I was in a play when I was eight. Actually, I had a walk on part, as a ‘child’ in A Streetcar Named Desire, at the local college. The director, Mr. Dickenson, (Can you believe I remember his name?) sent me some flowers and a note thanking me for being in the show and doing a great job. I must have read that note a hundred times!
How hard was it for an eight year old to play being an eight year old and walk across the stage holding a lady’s hand? But he thought my acting was worth noting. Do you know how good I felt? How many times I read that note and memorized it? How special he made me feel? No wonder I remember his name. Thank you, Mr. Dickenson!
Let’s all try to reach out — not only do we all have our stories but we can all wave such wonderful magic wands for each other!
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Listen to Barbara on:
Inspirational Celebrity and Book Reviews
Tuesdays
9:30 a.m. & 3:30 p.m. cst