SECRETS, Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein’s new book, is no longer a SECRET!

I finally held SECRETS: You tell me yours, I’ll tell you mine…maybe! in my hands this past Friday. I got the proof and it was ‘love at first site’. The book is purple with beautiful flowers and just wants to be read. I approved it on Friday and now it should be ready for purchase this coming week. You can buy it on Amazon. We hope to have a Kindle edition up shortly also. I will let you know more purchase details as I know them.

How am I feeling as the author? I’m feeling very excited. All the kids and grown-ups who has previewed SECRETS have loved it. I can’t wait for more feedback and for people to tell me what discussions, thoughts and feelings have been generated by reading SECRETS. I hope I hear from people of all ages, guys, grandma’s, guidance counselors, teachers and dad’s. The ‘girl’ is 13 in the book. A mature 10 year old could definately relate. So could a 15 year old who will get a kick out of looking back to where she has already been in many ways. Grown-ups will see themselves also. Hopefully moms and dads will see great discussion material, augmented by the questions in the back of the book.

The girl writes songs and poems in SECRETS. I have left some blank pages in the back for kids to keep notes and even become creative, writing their songs and poems down.

April 26, 2010 | Filed Under Books | Leave a Comment 

Discovered: The Secret Ingredient to Happiness is Ourselves!

As many of you know I am a positive psychologist and happiness coach-I encourage finding out what’s good about ourselves (rather than what’s bad), and seeing ourselves in a positive light. I teach how to understand your own needs and your talents, and how to do the work necessary to create a life full of happiness.

I’d like to share with you to a happiness process I developed from many years of observation, case studies, and happiness research.

In my happiness research I found that women are happy at least part of the time, but often dismiss their good feelings as just a blip on the ‘radar screen of life’. They also frequently lose their “good mood” as soon as someone criticizes or puts them down.

I began to realize that becoming, and staying happy requires a habit that can practiced and improved upon, and I developed a model called “The Enchanted Self” that shows how we can improve our happiness using something I call “Recipes for Enchantment.”

def. The Enchanted Self – the capacity to initiate positive states of being unique to our disposition and talents.

def. Recipes for Enchantment – the ways we’ve found to create happiness for ourselves that are unique to us.

The Enchanted Self is something you control, and you do it using “Recipes for Enchantment” that are unique to you.

Although there are many “Recipes for Enchantment” that most of us have in common, it’s important to remember that you are unique, and what makes you happy isn’t necessarily going to be the same as for the other people in your life. YOU are the “secret ingredient” in the recipe for creating your own happiness. As such, you must discover the unique things that enhance your happiness.

Here’s a “recipe” for discovering some of the unique things that make you happy…

Exercise: Recipe for Personal Pleasure

Give yourself a quiet space, a pad of paper and a pen, and permission to daydream. The world is your oyster. Plan out a day that is designed to make you happy.

– What would that day be like and what would you do?

– Where would you go?

– Who would be with you, if anyone?

– What would you see?

– How would you feel?

– What would you eat that day?

– What are some of the aromas that would please you that day?

– What would be the highlight of the day?

– How would you feel at the end of the day?

– Now you’re looking back on that day.

– What would you be most pleased about?

– What are some of the ingredients you would need to make this day come true?

– What could be three steps YOU need to take to get closer to experiencing a pleasing time right now? [Remember YOU are the main ingredient. ]

April 6, 2010 | Filed Under happiness | 1 Comment 

Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, Positive Psychologist Discusses How She Discovered THE ENCHANTED SELF(R)

I was always concerned about some of the issues that clinicians face in practicing therapy. As a client, and also as a therapist, I saw again and again that we tend to focus on what is wrong about ourselves, rather than what is right. We are experts at judging ourselves and usually not for the good. Our capacities to see our own flaws are unlimited. But it is a lot harder to figure out what is really special and wonderful about ourselves. So it bothered me in particular, that if the therapist and the client both became experts in unearthing what was dysfunctional about the person, than the person might end up even more discouraged. I had seen myself become discouraged as a client at times, and I began to question if I wasn’t at times perpetuating discouragement in clients. Of course my intent was not to. But still….I worried.

This led to research that I conducted on women who were not in my practice. The research is discussed in my first book, THE ENCHANTED SELF, A Positive Therapy. To summarize, the research validated that women are easily discouraged about themselves, yet do maintain a secret or special sense of wholeness somewhere inside of themselves. This special sense of feeling good about oneself, or elated, or whole, or ‘happy’ at times, aware of positive states of being, is alive in just about every woman. However, it is often dismissed by society and by us women ourselves. Thus, we deny ourselves unintentionally the unique sense of pleasure, happiness, success that each of us is entitled to. You see I use many terms to describe this place of ‘happiness’ as it is so different for each woman!

I decided to honor this place and its uniqueness by calling it THE ENCHANTED SELF(R). We each have that part of ourselves and it is wonderful. We owe it to ourselves to label it, run with it, nurture it, love it, and help it bloom.

All of the above led to me declaring myself a positive psychologist a couple of years before the actual term became popular. To my knowledge I am the first woman to write a book in the field of positive psychology for women and for their therapists. That book is THE ENCHANTED SELF, A Positive Therapy mentioned above. I hope you will read it and get in touch with me as you read it. You will see that there are exercises at the end of each chapter, so you can take the adventure yourself of defining and developing your Enchanted Self!

April 2, 2010 | Filed Under The Enchanted Self | Leave a Comment 

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