Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, Positive Psychologist, Looks at What Makes Women Magical and Happy as Honor Their True Passions

As women we have to honor our true passions.  If we don’t we are unhappy, even depressed.  I’ve talked about this concept for years.   In The Enchanted Self, A Positive Therapy, I discuss many reasons why we need to be true to ourselves.  I also explain why we can not wait for anyone else to do this job for us.  We MUST take care of ourselves.  As it has been said, your best friend and your most devoted partner came into your life on the day you were born.  And that person was not your mom.  It was yourself.

I’m always looking for women who are living out their dreams.  They are wonderful, magical women who fill us with hope and encouragement.  They feel magical because they have taken the best of themselves from various stages of their lives and integrated these special parts of themselves into a new whole that is even better.  For example, the woman I met in Wales, who took her love of fairytales as a child and her business sense as a woman and opened a store selling princess outfits and magic wands to little girls, took the best of herself from childhood and adulthood.

Are you one of those special women who has taken something special about yourself from the past and brought it to life in a new way now, as an adult?  I bet you have.  Write back and let me know and give us all the details!


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October 28, 2009 | Filed Under Women's Happiness | 1 Comment 

Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, Positive Psychologist looks at WHAT FLYING HORSES CAN TEACH US ABOUT BEING HUMAN AND REACHING ALWAYS FOR THE ENCHANTED SELF GOLDEN RING OF LIFE

Rabbi Y. Carlebach told the following story that makes us aware of how we can elevate ourselves.  Often it is our own choice

The Baal Shem Tov was a Rabbi who lived in the 18th century.  He had extraordinary powers to uplift the down-trodden Jewish populations of Eastern Europe.  As most of the Jews in Europe at that time The Baal Shem Tov lived in a small Jewish village.  However, he had so much to teach and he was so eager to help Jews everywhere (it was reported he not only helped but miracles often happened after a meeting with him) that he could not confine himself to his village.

After Shabbos each week, he would hitch his horses to his wagon and he set out for somewhere else to help or inspire other Jews.  It was said that it was an absolute miracle that he was able to get around all around Russia, which was a giant country, and yet get back to his village in a timely fashion.

It was proported that the way that he did this was as follows: After he left his village and no one was watching, he would encourage his horses and they would begin to fly.  Because they were flying, they were able to cover incredible distances.  Once he reached a particular town and was able to help someone or give someone critical advice or a special blessing that might even lead to a miracle happening, he would then set out for his town.

Again, once no one was looking, he would nudge the horses lightly and they would begin to fly.  And, so he did this repeatedly, week after week.  Meanwhile, it was said that the horses would talk to each other while they were flying. One horse would say to the other, “Do you realize that we are flying?” The other horse would answer and say, “Yes, we are flying.  This is amazing!”  Then the first horse would say, “We must be extremely special.  We must be like the angels because we are able to fly.” And the other horse said, “You know, you’re right! We must be just as good as angels since we can fly.”  And they would banter back and forth with conversation as they flew through the skies.

But, it was also said that once they got back to earth and once the bag of oats was put on each horse so that he could eat, he ate just like a horse.  There was nothing going on that was elevating or different from any horse eating.  They were not  like angels.  They were simply, two horses eating their oats.

What is the message that this story is trying to teach us?

The message is that the horses, even though they could fly, were still just animals.  For us, as human beings we may or may not feel that we are flying, but we always have the opportunity to raise ourselves up toward the heavens. We can elevate ourselves in the ways that we conduct ourselves, so that whether we are eating a meal, befriending someone, going to work, talking to a neighbor, whatever it is no matter how small, no matter how routine, we have the opportunity to elevate our acts.  Our acts can be caring, helpful, kind, sensitive, refined, timely, thoughtful.  And the list goes on.  And so as humans, we are always approaching the angels if we will but bother to elevate ourselves.

(I hope Rabbi Carlebach will be happy with the way I presented this story, since I was not able to take notes and I’ve mixed in my own ways of telling a story.)

Elevation homework for you:  How can you begin to elevate yourself  this week in three small ways?  One might  be as simple as smiling and asking a neighbor how he is or you might let someone go in front of you in line at the supermarket or you might listen to what someone is saying while not multi-tasking literally or in your mind.  Good luck on flying this week!

Please write and share what you did for your elevation homework.

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October 26, 2009 | Filed Under Blessings, happiness | Leave a Comment 

Welcome Changes Radio host Velma Gallant interviews exciting and dynamic guests such as New York Times best selling author, Neale Donald Walsch, Mike Dooley from “The Secret”, and Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein! Read what Dr. Barbara had to say about the show and listen to the show yourself!

Being a radio guest of Velma Gallant, the Queen of Joy, was a true treat. She is a marvelous radio host, who knows how to elicit from her guest so much information. I felt like my expertise as a positive psychologist and as an educator was just pouring out of me as we chatted about my book,girl, The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything). It was a wonderful experience for me. I got to cover so many issues, including parenting, growing up and facing the storm of adolescence, the concept of resiliency and lots more. I even got to talk about about my first book, The Enchanted Self,  A Positive Therapy. I’m excited that you can listen to the podcast of our show together.

Here is the link:

http://recordings.talkshoe.com/TC-40777/TS-253960.mp3

Enjoy!

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October 22, 2009 | Filed Under Dr. Holstein's Podcast Archives, The Enchanted Self, The Truth, I'm a girl, I'm smart and I know everything, Weekly Podcast | Leave a Comment 

Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, Positive Psychologist Talks About What Makes a Happy Woman

A happy women is content in her life.  She feels much peace of mind and also a healthy level of enthusiasm as she goes through her day.  Of course, she can become upset or angry, just like anyone else.  But her happy nature works to her benefit and soon enough she will find a way to return to a pleasant state of being that we call ‘happy’ for lack of a more perfect word.

How is this so?  Is she from a different planet than the rest of us women?  Certainly not.  She simply has learned and practiced many behaviors that help regenerate a state of happiness again and again.  These behaviors that are practiced may include such common everyday things as eating healthfully and getting enough sleep.  Also included are good habits around exercise and health care.  Mentally she has developed good social habits that make her fun and delightful to be with.  This in turn means that she has lots of friends and doesn’t feel isolated.   Other behaviors carefully thought out and practiced led to her relating to her husband and children in a productive, loving way.  In return, they give her the warmth and love that increase her happiness.

Of course a woman may come up against very difficult situations and her happiness will be tested.  A bad marriage or an ill family member, for example, may lead to situations that certainly don’t feel ‘happy’.  But her capacity to make the most out of life, not by luck, but by utilizing good decision making practices and other forms of resourcefulness, will led her back on to a path of happiness.   Yes, she may complain a bit during hard times, but not as much as a woman who is not practicing these skill sets.  She simply won’t have the time to do too much complaining, even during the down periods of life.

I can go on and on.  But I think I have made my point.  A happy woman has worked hard to get to her happiness and works hard to maintain it.  It is well worth the effort.  So the lesson here is to work hard at upgrading all of our skills that increase happiness in daily living, both for the good days and the hard days.  Thus we can hopefully each say, “The harder I work at practicing happiness behaviors the less complaining I do.”

For more information on these happiness behaviors, please go to www.enchantedself.com and download The Seven Gateways to Happiness on the front page.

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October 16, 2009 | Filed Under Women's Happiness, happiness | Leave a Comment 

Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, Positive Psychologist Shares A Play-date With Enchantment: Using Your Past to Your Pleasurable Advantage

Here is an exercise that can help you to retrieve positive images and sensations focusing on one or more of your senses. Begin by closing your eyes and listening to the sounds around you. Listen for a few minutes. When you feel drawn to a particular sound, stay with it. Allow yourself to mentally wonder remembering to focus on the positive. When you are ready, open your eyes and find an object to hold in your hands, such as an article of clothing. Close your eyes and explore the object, listen to the sounds around you. What positive memories and experiences are evoked by focusing on two of your senses, i.e. touch and hearing. Try this exercise mixing and matching your other senses.

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October 13, 2009 | Filed Under Fond Memories that Enhance Happy Feelings, Positive use of Memory | Leave a Comment 

More About THE ENCHANTED SELF, A Positive Therapy by Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein

This book, utilizing case studies, personal insights from my own life, reader exercises and even poetry, allows the reader to explore positive aspects of herself. If she is a therapist, she also learns how to make long overdue corrections in the treatment room. Many readers, therapists, and lay people, wrote to me thanking me for the positive paradigm shift I had so clearly outlined in the book. One psychiatrist from Sweden wrote to me that she had waited for years for someone to finally have the courage to make this long overdue correction in therapeutic model. Many ordinary people who had therapy wrote to me, saying that they wished they could have been exposed to the treatment model I wrote about, when they were seeking psychotherapy.

The book helps us understand our past in positive and useful ways, while not becoming discouraged by certain aspects of the past and learning how to reinvent ourselves in the present in ways that bring us pleasure, unique to each of us, while attending to our needs, be them personal, educational, or professional

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October 9, 2009 | Filed Under Books, Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, Positive Psychology | Leave a Comment 

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