-
Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein is the originator of The Enchanted Self. She has been a positive psychologist in private practice and licensed in the states of New Jersey and Massachusetts since 1981.
Family Relationship Award of Excellence
My Books
Secrets: You Tell Me Yours and I’ll Tell You Mine…maybe!
Following on the heels of the best-selling book, The Truth, SECRETS is the continuing diary of a girl moving into her teen-age years. The Girl has plenty to fill her journal. The pages reveal a new school, a new baby in the family, new friends, a new guy and a new set of issues to face. Share the secret world of an almost-teen as she learns which secrets to share and which to keep to herself.
Download an excerpt of Secrets here.
THE TRUTH: I'm a Girl, I'm Smart and I Know Everything!
In the mothers' and daughters' version, this girl encapsulates the spark and energy that your daughter has inside of her, and that you had inside of yourself as a girl. It is this special capacity for fun and wisdom that we need to protect in our girls and get back to ourselves!
Let's rejoice in the girl inside of ourselves. Let's give courage and affirmation to our daughters and granddaughters so they know from the inside out, it is ok, in fact, essential to keep her alive, as they grow up.
The Truth, I'm 10, I'm Smart & I Know Everything.
The adult women's version is a delightful, humorous secret diary, written by a girl who is 10-11 years of age. She is wise and yet so innocent. She makes us cry and laugh and remember ourselves. Behind this very easy read is the psychological message to the women reading THE TRUTH that they can and must recapture the fire and passion of their girlhoods not only for themselves to flourish and be happy, but for the next generation to also have the gifts of good emotional and spiritual health.
This book is filled with emotional and delightful reminiscences that will charm you even as you are inspired to begin thinking of your own ways to bring delight into your hearts.
A collection of stories that is guaranteed to make you Feel Good. Click on the title to find out about the free gifts you will receive or here to learn more about the stories.
Recipes for Enchantment, The Secret Ingredient is YOU! is a culmination of over ten years of work and research in the field of personal enchantment by Dr. Barbara. She teaches us how to recall positive memories, regardless of our history, recognize our potential, and bring into our lives more of what gives us pleasure and joy. This is all combined with daily positive actions.
The Enchanted Self, A Positive Therapy
Through my work as a therapist, I have become concerned that we do not keep clearly enough how to reclaim what is positive about ourselves. This led me to write my book, The Enchanted Self, A Positive Therapy, published in 1997 by Harwood Academic Press. This book was probably the first and only book for mental health care providers and the interested public, to lay out the tools necessary to create a positive mind set and live an affirmative and affirming way of life!
This Week’s Blessings
“What you are starving for is your life!”
~Cheryl Richardson.
“May you never go hungry and above all may you never know from starving for one’s life!”
~ Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein
Even A Banana Can Get Use Through Tough Times!
I love this story that was passed along to me via my daughter. I think that right now everyone, even those really in touch with their Enchanted Selves (that is their capacity to have positive states of being again and again, unique to themselves) are in need of some miracle stories and uplifting remarks. Times are tough and we all need to be reminded that life is a beautiful gift and that enjoying the present is really a ‘present’ for each of us. So here is my little present to you. I hope you are uplifted by the story and it reminds you to watch out for the miracles and great opportunities that are ‘present’ in your life!
My daughter passed along the following true story—a wonderful example of the great Divine’s ability to give us gifts, both great and small.
A few years ago a Rabbi’s wife and their son had to go to Germany. The little boy was ill and the only appropriate treatment for his very unusual illness was to be found in a hospital in Germany. Mrs. Mandelson, being a survivor of the Holocaust, was not thrilled about going to Germany. However, it was the wisest decision, as her son’s health came above all else.
Together mom and Yakov took the long, transatlantic, overnight flight, the bus ride to the hospital, and handled the complicated admitting process. Finally, fatigued, they settled into a hospital room for the son, which also contained a cot for mother.
A couple of days passed relatively uneventfully except for some preliminary tests and consultations. Now it was Friday, several hours before Shabbos. At home in Borough Park, Ruth would have been busily preparing for Shabbos. That morning she would have gotten up early to bake her own fresh challah. She would have worked to the stores early to find the best vegetables and fruits. All afternoon she would have cooked and cleaned until the house smelled delicious and shone.
Now, two hours before Shabbos, she was alone in a strange land that held certain haunting memories for her. She and Yakov had little to look forward to on Shabbos except the small bundle of goodies that she had brought with them. Thankfully, she had a little challah left over from last week. She had a special bottle of grape juice that her son loved and some other treats to round out the otherwise bland kosher food ordered for them in the hospital. It was minimal, but would have to do.
Yakov was feeling somewhat down this Friday, himself. At ten he was perfectly aware that his health was not good and of course he was keenly aware that he was lonely, away from his friends, brothers and sisters, and also in a sterile hospital setting. As the late afternoon shadows crossed their room his mood was quickly deteriorating. He was becoming blue.
Tears welled up in his eyes as he said to his mommy, “I hate being here. We’re so alone. We have nothing to look forward to. We’re all alone. This will be the worst Shabbos.”
Ruth tried to offset his blues by telling him, “No, we’re never alone. God is always with us. We have each other. I have some goodies that we will have later on Shabbos. And I’ll tell you stories. Don’t worry, we’ll have fun.”
But her mood was also quickly declining as much as she tried to stay optimistic and buoyant. To top it off, as they were standing in the corridor, waiting for the elevator back to their room to shower and change for Shabbos, she suddenly remembered that she had not taken her potassium in several days.
In fact, perhaps that was part of the reason why she was feeling off. She really needed potassium and now had no way of getting it on Shabbos. She was thinking to herself that even a banana would be helpful. But it was off-season for bananas. She hadn’t seen any bananas on the hospital trays since they arrived.
Now, there was no time to go outside and shop. This was awful. They had only 40 minutes to Shabbos. These anxiety-provoking thoughts filled her brain as Yakov stood next to her. He looked so sad himself, kicking his little foot against the wall in a kind of random act of wasted motion as they waited for the elevator.
She wondered how in the world she could stay buoyant enough for both of them. They both noticed a family going by, a father, mother and three children all holding hands. That was the last straw as Yakov looked at the family, particularly his eyes, filled with tears, focused on the father.
“I miss my daddy so much. I am miserable.”
Ruth felt she was going to cry also. She admitted to herself that she was miserable and began to have some dark thoughts as to whether it was worth coming to Germany for the treatment.
They seemed to wait a very long time by the elevator. Finally the elevator arrived and the doors opened. No one else was in the elevator. But in the far left corner on the floor, Ruth was astonished to see a perfectly ripe, juicy, delicious looking banana lying there.
“Wow,” she said to herself, “I guess I can have my potassium after all.”
She swooped down and picked up the banana. Then the marvel of the moment came together for her.
* This is based on a true story. However, I took the liberty, after hearing the facts once, to augment and dramatize the story in my own fashion. I hope my story is in the spirit on the true small miracle that happened.
Weekly Blessing
“I had found my dance and It was a prayer.” ~Isadora Duncan
May you be pleased with finding your dance, whether it also be a prayer, or a joyous laugh or a wellspring of happy thoughts that never goes dry. ~Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein
The Girl in The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) shares her secret entry about Valentine’s Day!
February 14
Today was Valentine’s Day. I was so worried. Valentine’s Day is almost the worst day of the year for me. That’s because the day can be terrible. There is nothing worse in the world than not getting enough Valentine’s in class. And being in love makes it even worse. All I could think about last night lying in bed was what if Paul doesn’t give me a Valentine? How could I stand it?
I was worried all the way to school. I worked all last night on my Valentine’s. I made one for each kid in the class. I made Paul’s just a tiny bit bigger than the other’s. Only I would know that I had made his special. So it was my secret.
Miss Shannon had really fixed up our classroom so pretty. There were hearts pinned up all over the room and she had even put up streamers. I think she must really like Valentine’s Day. We still had to do all of our schoolwork. Then at 2:00 the class mother dropped off the cupcakes and ice creams and candy. Then we started our Valentine’s Day party. There was a giant box up on the front table with a slot in the top. That’s where we put all of our Valentine’s to be delivered.
Angela, Fred and Stacey got to empty the box and deliver the Valentine’s while we all ate our cupcakes and ice creams. I was getting a lot of Valentine’s. I kept looking at Paul. He didn’t look back. He was eating. What was he thinking?
Everyone was laughing and having a good time. Even Miss Shannon was smiling as she opened all the Valentine’s that we gave her. I started to open mine. Nothing from Paul. Nothing. Nothing.
I was feeling a little sick. My heart was pounding. This was the last envelope. It was from Paul! My life was saved. Guess what it said?
“Will you be my Valentine?”
Oh, yes, Paul! I will be your Valentine! The day was perfect.
What Does Valentine’s Day Mean to You?
Valentine’s Day is coming up. What does that mean to you?
I have found that as a psychologist I hear many different
reactions to Valentine’s Day. Some women love the day.
Usually they are women with a significant other than remembers
special days, like birthdays. Some women hate the day.
Sometimes they have a partner but other times they don’t
and see the day as potentially lonely. And still other women
like Christine Arylo of www.letsgirltalk.com have found
fabulous ways to help women fall in love with themselves
and party it up good on Valentine’s Day, whether there is a
significant other in sight or not.
The Girl in The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything)
is also fascinated with Valentine’s Day. Actually, her entries
about the holiday are so secret they are not even in the first
book of The Truth Series. They are hidden way back in the
back of her closet in an old math notebook that is really
one of her other ‘secret’ diaries. I don’t know how many
of you remember but on this blog I shared one of her
Valentine entries. For those who missed it, here it is again:
Dr. Holstein talks about ‘Staying Upbeat in a Down Economy’ on www.mainstreet.com on Jan. 29, 2009
-
Listen to Barbara on:
Inspirational Celebrity and Book Reviews
Tuesdays
9:30 a.m. & 3:30 p.m. cst