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Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein is the originator of The Enchanted Self. She has been a positive psychologist in private practice and licensed in the states of New Jersey and Massachusetts since 1981.
Family Relationship Award of Excellence
My Books
Secrets: You Tell Me Yours and I’ll Tell You Mine…maybe!
Following on the heels of the best-selling book, The Truth, SECRETS is the continuing diary of a girl moving into her teen-age years. The Girl has plenty to fill her journal. The pages reveal a new school, a new baby in the family, new friends, a new guy and a new set of issues to face. Share the secret world of an almost-teen as she learns which secrets to share and which to keep to herself.
Download an excerpt of Secrets here.
THE TRUTH: I'm a Girl, I'm Smart and I Know Everything!
In the mothers' and daughters' version, this girl encapsulates the spark and energy that your daughter has inside of her, and that you had inside of yourself as a girl. It is this special capacity for fun and wisdom that we need to protect in our girls and get back to ourselves!
Let's rejoice in the girl inside of ourselves. Let's give courage and affirmation to our daughters and granddaughters so they know from the inside out, it is ok, in fact, essential to keep her alive, as they grow up.
The Truth, I'm 10, I'm Smart & I Know Everything.
The adult women's version is a delightful, humorous secret diary, written by a girl who is 10-11 years of age. She is wise and yet so innocent. She makes us cry and laugh and remember ourselves. Behind this very easy read is the psychological message to the women reading THE TRUTH that they can and must recapture the fire and passion of their girlhoods not only for themselves to flourish and be happy, but for the next generation to also have the gifts of good emotional and spiritual health.
This book is filled with emotional and delightful reminiscences that will charm you even as you are inspired to begin thinking of your own ways to bring delight into your hearts.
A collection of stories that is guaranteed to make you Feel Good. Click on the title to find out about the free gifts you will receive or here to learn more about the stories.
Recipes for Enchantment, The Secret Ingredient is YOU! is a culmination of over ten years of work and research in the field of personal enchantment by Dr. Barbara. She teaches us how to recall positive memories, regardless of our history, recognize our potential, and bring into our lives more of what gives us pleasure and joy. This is all combined with daily positive actions.
The Enchanted Self, A Positive Therapy
Through my work as a therapist, I have become concerned that we do not keep clearly enough how to reclaim what is positive about ourselves. This led me to write my book, The Enchanted Self, A Positive Therapy, published in 1997 by Harwood Academic Press. This book was probably the first and only book for mental health care providers and the interested public, to lay out the tools necessary to create a positive mind set and live an affirmative and affirming way of life!
Two and One Half Men may be funny but what is the show saying about schools and tweens?
Tonight, Monday evening, I happened to catch some of Two and One Half Men on CBS. It is a modern day comedy-a far cry from I Love Lucy that I so loved to watch on Monday nights at 9:00 PM so many years ago. That show had an innocense that Two and One Half Men lacks. However, it is a different era. And that’s what made tonight’s show so poignant, in terms of being a tween. The youngster, who is the son of one of the characters and the nephew of the other is going to Junior High or Middle School-I didn’t catch which. So the men are taking him shopping. They make him buy old people’s looking sneakers so no one will try to beat him up and steal his sneakers. They make him buy beige pants because no gang members wear beige. By the time they put him on the school bus he looks scared to death. As they walk away, one of the men remarks, "We’ve done all we could do, now it’s up to him."
And I suppose that is true. We have done or not done what we can and now our tweens are out in our society, sometimes scared to death, exposed to pressures and worries that we would never have dreamed of as children. This is not good for them. Kids are still developing emotionally and physically. Having the pressures on them that someone might beat them up for their sneakers or simply beat them up because the other guy is in a gang is frightening.
Even though the ‘girl’ in my new book, The Truth, I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything, lives in a simpler time, she gives parents and tweens a great chance to talk about so many ‘scary’ and complicated subjects. She is also worried about transitioning, just like the boy in the show. She also wants friends and to fit in. Sometimes it is easier to talk about important subjects when we simplify the setting. That’s what I did in this book. The Truth gives us direct access to look at all the issues surrounding growing up. And we should! Our tweens deserve it!
Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, www.enchantedself.com
A Fourteen year old boy in Pasadena agrees with the ‘girl’ in The Truth, (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) And the truth is it is not nice to swear
Gosh darn! Cussing banned in California town-taken from CNN news
- South Pasadena declares first week of March as No Cussing Week
- Mayor hopes proclamation will "elevate the level of discourse"
- Anti-swearing drive started with teen who founded high school’s No Cussing Club
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- This news is so exciting. As a positive psychologist, a school psychologist, a mom and a grandma, I’m thrilled to read about a 14 year old boy having the courage and conviction to come out loud and clear that cussing is not necessary, not nice and we can handle ourselves in more refined ways! Congratulationgs to him. I was tickled to see this special week happening in California. In my new book, The Truth, (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) the girl is very upset when a cousin comes to visit who swears all the time. She knows it isn’t nice and it doesn’t feel good to listen to the language. How is it that so many of us Americans have forgotten when children know to be true? I hope we can all practice no cussing days, everyday!
- Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, Positive Psychologist, www.enchantedself.com»
Bullying increases risk of depression and more
I heard on ABC Now News today that bullying can increase the risk of depression and even suicide. These are serious findings. For more information fo to www.abc.com and go to the on call section. Every day, in every way possible we need to help kids, teens and tweens to not be bullied. We also need to help the bully so he or she doesn’t have the rage or hurt inside to be a bully. We have a big task but we can do it.
Some pointers: 1. In your family life don’t make fun of each other or bully. Remember that kids model what they see!
2. If you child talkd about a bully in school or the neighborhood LISTEN and stay alert. If you see any changes in your child, even small ones like leaving the dinner table early, talk to her and see what is going on.
3. Remember you are the grown-up and take responsibility if necessary. If you think you had better speak to a teacher, guidance counselor or principal about your child being bullied or your child showing some traits as a bully, do it!
Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, www.enchantedself.com and author of Tween book for kids and their moms: The Truth, (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything.)
Tweens will always give us wild rides but as parents we can handle it!
http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/family/tweens/
Jan Singer wrote a wonderful blog entry today on her tween son who give her a ‘wild ride’ as most tweens do. Here is my response:
Positive Psychology for Women -Let’s Get Positive With Our Bodies and Ourselves!
A Positive Psychology Look at Tweens and The Seven Gateways to Happiness
I thought I would share with you some of my discussion with Martha Trowbridge, my co-host on my radio show. Happiness for Women Only!, which aired on February 21, 2008 at 2:00 EST. You can download and listen to this show and many of my previous shows by going to www.internetvoicesradio.com and clicking on Happiness for Women Only!
This last show began a new series of radio programs which focusing on kids, tweens and teens. In this first show, we began to talk about my Seven Gateways to Happiness, from a new perspective. Rather than looking at women, in this show we are looking at tweens and how they engage with and hold on to states of well-being, known in everyday language, as states of happiness. So come with Martha and myself now and ‘listen’ into our discussion about the first Gateway to Happiness for Tweens.
Barbara-"So the first Gateway of Happiness, and this pretty much corresponds to the adult first Gateway of Happiness, is recognizing your talents, your strengths, and holding close to your heart your potential. For adult women, I would say remembering your potential, but with a girl of 8, it’s really just holding onto it, just even acknowledging it. There’s nothing new to remember; she knows it.
Martha: How does she know her potential, Barbara?
BBH: Well, now, that’s a very good question. Mostly through the sense of — the inner sense of integration when she’s doing something that we call, typically, for adults, something like a state of bliss. You know, she may or may not know it from the outside. She may know that she’s a great pianist for an 8 year old because a thousand people have told her.
MT: So competency is part of that recognition, would you say?
BBH: Competency may be part of recognizing your potential, or may not. For example, a girl may love, absolutely love to look at home decorating magazines and imagine how to be a decorator. We don’t know if she has any real competency in that area, but she has a potential. The love of color, a sense of design that may or may not lead to being able to make an income, but there is self potential there.
MT: And a passion.
BBH: Right. So whether it is recognized by the outer world or not, she’s going to have a passionate feeling of glee, of being, you know, she doesn’t know the time has passed, all the things that we talk about when an adult is having a precious moment, what I call an Enchanted Self ® moment, and is often referred to as a state of bliss.
Now… if you’re from a functional family, this is great, because people have probably acknowledged and given you some hope and feedback that’s positive about whatever seems to be your interests and your potential.
MT: And supported you in whatever way in terms of helping you connect with groups or classes, or internet access, or whatever that will –
BBH: Right. Maybe. Although functional families can be so busy that they can’t do that for every kid in every way. But probably something’s happened that’s good.
In a dysfunctional family, it can be much harder than even for an adult woman trying to find her potential, because the kid is so impressionable.
MT: Right.
BBH: So that’s Gateway One."
What do you think about this Gateway! Do you have a tween? Can you relate to my comments?
Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, www.enchantedself.com
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