[Of his plan for achieving virtue, which I used as a model for my happiness project] "On the whole, though I never arrived at the perfection I had been so ambitious of obtaining, but fell far short of it, yet as I was, by the endeavor, a better and a happier man than I otherwise should have been had I not attempted it.” –Benjamin Franklin.
Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein is the originator of The Enchanted Self. She has been a positive psychologist in private practice and licensed in the states of New Jersey and Massachusetts since 1981.
Seven Gateways to Happiness for Us Women!
1. Discover and honor your talents, strengths, coping skills and potential
2. Love the story of your live and find ways to fall in love with who you are
3. Learn how to get your needs met
4. Take time to replenish, to enjoy life, and to find meaning and purpose everyday
5. Belong and don't isolate
6. Be a mentor and find mentors
7. Live generously. Do positive actions and good deeds
For those of you not that familiar with The Enchanted Self, and those of you that are, sit back and enjoy me sharing what The Enchanted Self is with Thor the Barbarian. This is a great show!
Dr. Barbara's Happiness for Women Only Radio Series
Listen to the Radio Show Archives
The Happiness for Women Only! series focuses on different age groups as seen below. We take a look at happiness as viewed through the lenses of The Seven Gateways to Happiness.
Dr. Barbara hosts this series, accompanied by her two outstanding guests: Dr. Sandra Prince-Embury, nationally know resiliency expert and author of The Resiliency Scales for Children and Adolescents and Martha Trowbridge, author of books on Inspiration For Women in Crisis.
"Getting to The Truth and More!" (20-35)
"Women and Wisdom Gathering" (Ages 36-49)
"Welcome the Enchanted AARP Woman!" (Ages 50 plus)
A wonderful discussion for all age groups!
My Books
THE TRUTH: I'm a Girl, I'm Smart and I Know Everything!
In the mothers' and daughters' version, this girl encapsulates the spark and energy that your daughter has inside of her, and that you had inside of yourself as a girl. It is this special capacity for fun and wisdom that we need to protect in our girls and get back to ourselves!
Let's rejoice in the girl inside of ourselves. Let's give courage and affirmation to our daughters and granddaughters so they know from the inside out, it is ok, in fact, essential to keep her alive, as they grow up.
The Truth, I'm 10, I'm Smart & I Know Everything.
The adult women's version is a delightful, humorous secret diary, written by a girl who is 10-11 years of age. She is wise and yet so innocent. She makes us cry and laugh and remember ourselves. Behind this very easy read is the psychological message to the women reading THE TRUTH that they can and must recapture the fire and passion of their girlhoods not only for themselves to flourish and be happy, but for the next generation to also have the gifts of good emotional and spiritual health.
This book is filled with emotional and delightful reminiscences that will charm you even as you are inspired to begin thinking of your own ways to bring delight into your hearts.
A collection of stories that is guaranteed to make you Feel Good. Click on the title to find out about the free gifts you will receive or here to learn more about the stories.
Recipes for Enchantment, The Secret Ingredient is YOU! is a culmination of over ten years of work and research in the field of personal enchantment by Dr. Barbara. She teaches us how to recall positive memories, regardless of our history, recognize our potential, and bring into our lives more of what gives us pleasure and joy. This is all combined with daily positive actions.
The Enchanted Self, A Positive Therapy
Through my work as a therapist, I have become concerned that we do not keep clearly enough how to reclaim what is positive about ourselves. This led me to write my book, The Enchanted Self, A Positive Therapy, published in 1997 by Harwood Academic Press. This book was probably the first and only book for mental health care providers and the interested public, to lay out the tools necessary to create a positive mind set and live an affirmative and affirming way of life!
THE TRUTH, My Secret Diary, I'm Ten, I'm Smart and I Know Everything, Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein
My publisher for my new book, THE TRUTH, My Secret Diary, I’m Ten, I’m Smart and I Know Everything, just told me to look for the proofs. The book was not in the mail today. But I’m getting very excited. That means that within 4 to 6 weeks I’ll be able to share my book with you. Are you wondering a little about the book? It is a diary and a very special one. The little girl who writes in it knows so many things that we have forgotten as adults. She knows for instance, that it is not nice to swear. Do you have strong feelings about swearing? I certainly did when I was a child. I still don’t like it, but I’ve been blunted by living in a society where swearing is so prevelent. The little girl would encourage me, I’m sure, to still not like it and to be very careful to always use fine speech. She also knows that silly arguments just waste our energies and leave us not feeling happy. She is so right about that. Why do we seem to need to learn that lesson over and over again?
I hope we can have many conversations about the wisdom a little girl can help us get back in touch with!
Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, www.enchantedself.com
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Recipe for Enchantment
“Also notice what perks your magic up and relieves apathy or fatigue. When you hit upon it, you’ll experience a more-alive feeling, an excitement, or simply a gentle interest: these are signs of life force in your work. Spend more time in these areas. Document them in your journal.”
— © Positive Energy – by Dr. Judith Orloff, M.D.
This is a lovely quote. If you follow the advise given above than you will well be on your way to living an Enchanted Life. You will maximize your energies and experience a maximum of pleasure in daily life.
Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, Positive Psychologist, www.enchantedself.com
Recipe for Happiness from Benjamin Franklin
Gretchen Rubin has a great blog called The Happiness Project. http://www.happiness-project.com/happiness_project/2007/03/a_quotation_fro_2.html#comment-64317180 She quoted Benjamin Frankin today, saying:
A quotation from Benjamin Franklin.
Positive Memories Encourage Happiness
Tonight I was talking to a dear friend of the family. She was remembering memories of both my mother and my father and sharing them with me. Betty and my mother were best friends since girlhood. In fact, in my mother, Bernice Becker’s book, FEEL GOOD STORIES, there are eight illustrations. These were all done by her friend of a lifetime, Betty Hill.
So when Betty told me stories tonight it really gave me pleasure. Here is one of them: Betty and my mother always walked to school together. Often when they would meet up in the morning, my mother would say to Betty, "Do you want to hear the dream I had last night?" And of course, Betty always would say yes. The dreams were wonderful and magical and Betty told me that she sometimes wondered if my mom embellished her dreams. I don’t know. But I do know that my mother would often ask the same question of me as I grew up. And I always enjoyed her dreams. They were full of life and drama and gave me not only entertainment as we ate breakfast, but a sense of trust that it was alright for me to share my dreams with others!
Thank you Betty Hill for reminding me of one of my own talents that was originally generated a long time ago when two girls walked to school together!
Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, Positive Psychologist, www.enchantedself.com
Unhappy Children Can Walk Back To Happinss
Walking back to happiness
How can young people’s low spirits be improved? The children’s commissioner has a few good ideas. Anna Bawden reports
Tuesday March 20, 2007
The Guardian
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 The children’s commissioner for England, Al Aynsley-Green. Photograph: David Levene |
Professor Sir Al Aynsley-Green likes teachers. A lot. The children’s commissioner for England, always an outspoken defender of children’s rights, is loud and clear in his praise. "The workforce in education is our most precious resource and it needs to be nurtured," he says.
But he is concerned at the numbers of unhappy children and schools’ ability to cope with them….
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In the article above the professor goes on to discuss many aspects of why the children are unhappy, including bullying and the stress of exams and the impact on a child who is a low achiever.
In my years as a School Psychologist and a practicing psychologist in the treament room I have seen many children suffer. I’ve seen kids come in depressed and saddened because they simply didn’t understand the work. Perhaps the teacher went to fast or perhaps a parent was down on them. Whatever it was, it certainly took away the child’s sense of happiness and feel good about herself.
THE TRUTH, My Secret Diary, I’m Ten, I’m Smart and I Know Everything discusses the emotional effects of dismissing a child’s efforts. I present The Truth so parents and teachers can see how amazingly large an impact they have on both their children’s development and actually how much their own development has been affected by what they experienced in the past. We can all benefit by taking a concerned look at our school and how children are handled emotionally-both the talented and the less talented kids.
I congratulate the Children’s Commission in Great Britian for their efforts! You can find the article at http://education.guardian.co.uk/schools/story/0,,2037728,00.html
Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, Positive Psychologist, www.enchantedself.com
Recipe for Happiness in China
| Marriage Affects Women’s Happiness Most |
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Marriage affects Chinese women’s happiness most, and women in their first marriage feel the happiest, according to the recently published 2006 Chinese Women’s Life Survey.
The questionnaire counts the respondents’ scores based on 5 multiple-choice questions, namely extremely happy, happy, so-so, not very happy, and unhappy. The respondents’ general sense of happiness on life scored at 3.87, while the happiest women are those in their first marriage with the sense scoring at 3.92. Widows have the lowest sense of happiness with the average mark only being 3. Therefore, marriage life is the most important element influencing women’s quality of life.
(Chinanews.cn September 5, 2006 |
As a Positive Psychologist I was fascinated to see a research report about women from China. The world has become so much smaller than it used to be! Certainly, marriage is a valuable institution, known throughout the world to have positive effects on people, when the marriage is good.
But my work as a Positive Psychologist is not the statistics of marriage. Rather it is how to help two people find peace in harmony in a marriage that may already be feeling rocky and less than happy. Here’s one recipe that often leds to good ‘cooking’ between a couple, when both are sincerely interested in saving the marriage. As a therapist, I help my clients to see each other in a positive light. That means I have to help each begin to appreciate the other again. Sometimes this is easy, sometimes it is hard. Often when we are angry and discouraged we begin to see each other in a less favorable light. We become picky and argumentative. Making a marriage work demands that each person really tries to give the other person a good grade on what he or she is doing, or at least an A for effort.
Recipe for The Embroidery of Our Lives
Today I was going through some old papers I have collected around THE ENCHANTED SELF which is now about 14 years old. My intitial positive memory work and the resultant shift for the treatment room actually happened perhaps 15 or 16 years ago. Time flies! In fact, I wrote the rought draft of THE ENCHANTED SELF, A Positive Therapy at least 5 or 6 years before the movement of Positive Psychology was give its name. When I put up my first website, THE ENCHANTED SELF in 1996 I did not use the term Positive Psychololgy, as it was not ‘coined.’ Instead I talked about the disease model in Psychology and the need for a shift in the treament to help clients use their memories to retrieve and celebrate what was right about themselves instead of what was wrong. I talked about rediscovering our talents, our lost potential and bringing positive states of being back into our lives. I talked about courage and hope and also the need for therapists to go on the same journey as their clients as we too, get depleted, discouraged and even forget what is best about ourselves.
The only thing I didn’t talk about was Positive Psychology! How ironic as I am indeed a passionate Positive Psychologist1
Anyway, I was pleased to find in a pile of papers a remark made by Helen. I’m sorry, I don’t remember who Helen was. She said, "Memories are the embroidery of our lives. Those are heirlooms you are making!"
How beautiful and true. May we all find the emotional energy to embroider the most beautiful heirlooms!
Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, www.enchantedself.com Positive Psychologist and Happiness Coach
Recipe For Success
Continuous effort–not strength or intelligence–is the key to unlocking our potential.
~Winston Churchill
Simply put this is a great recipe for success. My father always said that inspiration was 99% perspiration and 1 % inspiration. It is the persistence and the capacity to hang in when our ideas, our dreams, our talents, even our style or way of being are not easily accepted that makes us stronger and eventually starts to turn the tide.
Positive Psychology comes into the mix in that we have a chance as Psychologists to help people understand the true nature of success-that it is a process, not just a given, and to help people hang in to see themselves in a positive light and not to give up. This is not easy. It require training and perspective. I train using THE ENCHANTED SELF model where I help people to reclaim their earlier talents, strengths, interests, coping skills, and even hidden or lost potential. I combine the training with a healthy dose of hope and optimism. It is a good Recipe!
Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, www.enchantedself.com
Recipe for Learning
5: Make it fun
If I’m not having fun, I’m not learning. It’s that simple.
This simple recipe for learning found on www.positivesharing.com, run by Alexander Kjerulf. is so true. We learn best when we are involved and so completely mesmerized by what we are learning that we are truly having fun! I remember when I was a child my Girl Scout leader took us to the telephone company. We were learning how phones worked (in those days.) As we went deep into the telephone building and saw all the wires and cables I was learning as fast as I could. I can still feel my intense involvement, although I can’t remember all that I learned. I can say, I was having fun!
Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, Positive Psychologist, www.enchantedself.com
What Kids Say They Need For Happiness from the Vancouver Sun
I found it exciting to read in the Vancouver Sun a report on happiness about children the ages of my little girl in my new book, THE TRUTH, My Secret Diary, I’m Ten, I’m Smart and I Know Everything!
In The Truth the little girl makes clear what grown-ups are forgetting. She knws that isolation hurts and that parents who are too busy to spend time with their children hurts. She knows that when parents turn away and can’t take the time or emotional energy to really hear what’s on kids minds it is not good. She has her RECIPES FOR HAPPINESS and she shares them with the reader.
It is wonderful as a Positive Psychologist to have her wisdom further confirmed by a research project in Canada. Here is some of the article. Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, www.enchantedself.com
Listen to what the kids say they need for happiness and health
Vancouver Sun
Published: Tuesday, March 13, 2007
In comparison to the attention the early years of childhood and adolescence receive, the middle years of childhood have often been neglected. But thanks to a new survey of 1,300 nine- to 12-year-olds by University of British Columbia educational psychologist Kimberly Schonert-Reichl, middle childhood is finally receiving the attention it deserves.
The survey, conducted for the United Way of the Lower Mainland, found that as kids progress from Grade 4 to Grade 7, they become increasingly isolated and less optimistic about life. Boys suffer more than girls.
Fortunately, though, by pinpointing the factors that help kids to become well-adjusted, the survey can help parents and educators to provide children in their middle years with what they need.
According to the survey, such children have approximately 67 hours of discretionary time each week, which is more time than they spend in school.
The survey found that parents have less contact with their children as they age, which isn’t surprising since children become more independent during middle childhood. However, the survey also discovered that as parent connectedness decreased, so too did children’s social and emotional health.
Similarly, children felt less connected to other adults in their communities and to their peers as they aged. And with this increasing disconnectedness, the survey observed a decrease in children’s happiness and in their self-ratings of social responsibility — of their success in internalizing societal norms.
Further, children’s satisfaction with their body image decreased as they aged, with more girls internalizing a negative image — though more boys are teased about their appearances.
While older kids are more likely to believe they will graduate from high school, girls’ grades dropped slightly, and boys’ grades declined substantially, with 39 per cent of Grade 4 boys claiming they always got good grades compared with just 23 per cent of Grade 7 boys.
Children who spent significant amounts of their free time online or watching television also reported less self-confidence, happiness, optimism and empathy than those who spent more time with adults or peers.
It’s not entirely clear from the survey if a lack of connectedness causes emotional difficulties, or if emotional maladjustment makes children less likely to associate with their parents and peers. But either way, connectedness appears to be a positive factor in children’s lives, and what’s more, it seems to be just what kids desire.
For example, only 8.5 per cent of kids said they wished to spend more time on their computers, and no children reported wanting to watch more television. In contrast, nearly half wanted to engage in more physical activities, while a significant number desired spending more time with friends or participating in music or drama.
The kids who responded to the survey have provided a blueprint for a plan to ensure that they become happy, healthy adolescents and adults. But several factors stand in the way: Parents were also surveyed, and noted the existence of several barriers — particularly transportation, time and cost — to providing children with what they need.
This is what I wrote back: Dear Gretchen, This is a great quote. As soon as I finish here, I’m putting it on my blog on typepad, Enchanted Self, and referencing you! I love your courage and determination to focus on happiness. My passion is also Happiness and I agree with Ben Franklin that although it hasn’t been an easy trip to develop the teachings I share with my clients and the public about how to practice Happiness, it is still a far better experience for all than to focus on the negative. Of all the techniques as a Positive Psychologist that I have developed over 14 years, women seem to respond most easily and with excitement to the Seven Gateways to Happiness. I think this is because these Gateways really to resonate to what we must all face and work on again and again if we want anything that is more than a momentary high. For example, if we don’t think we are of value than no one, including ourselves, will encourage happiness in our lives. So my first Gateway is recognizing our own value, remembering and reinventing our talents and potential.
So again, thanks for being such an advocate and anyone interested in the Seven Gateways to Happiness can receive a free white paper by going to my site, www.enchantedself.com
Posted by: Dr. barbara Becker Holstein at Mar 25, 2007 10:28:14 AM