Finding Happiness

Dear Folks,  I was looking at my Yogi tea, tea bag this morning and reading the tag.  It said, "Share your strengths, not your weaknesses."  What a wonderful saying.  In many ways that comment is the essence of THE ENCHANTED SELF, A Positive Therapy.  I teach that to find and sustain happiness we need to appreciate our strengths, celebrate them both privately and publicly.  We need to celebrate them privately so we can truly see ourselves as having potential and the capacities to do great things in our lives.  And we need to bring them forth publicly so we don’t hang back and not use our potential.  I have seen so many people flower once they were comfortable to admit to themselves and the world what their talents really are instead of always making sure they reminded themselves or others of their weaknesses.  What do you think?  Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, www.enchantedself.com, Positive Psychologist

January 29, 2007 | Filed Under Positive Psychology | Leave a Comment 

The Gift of Daily Happiness

Dear Folks,  For the last five days I’ve been at Reed’s Landing in Springfield, Massachusetts where my mother, Bernice Becker, author of Feel Good Stories , www.storiestofeelgood.com lives.  I sat with a man at dinner who said that he wakes up happy and stays happy the whole day.  What do you think of that?  For most of us that is a small miracle.  This man has had his losses and I’m sure his body is not perfect as a senior citizen.  Ah, but his mind.  What a joy to have a mind that has such a spirit of Happiness inside of oneself!  A true gift.

Can we learn from him?  We certainly can.  The mind, just like any other part of our body responds to practice and training.  We can train ourselves to think of something pleasant when we wake up.  We will talk further about the subject of Happiness.  But for now, try to conjur up a pleasant thought or memory when you wake up tomorrow.  Write me and share!  Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, www.enchantedself.com

January 29, 2007 | Filed Under Positive Psychology | Leave a Comment 

New Year's Recipe for Enchantment

Hi Everyone!  I thought you might enjoy an Enchanted Self Blessing today!

I will look in the mirror and see a person worthy of my respect and admiration.

This capable person looking back at me is someone I enjoy spending time with and someone I would like to get to know better.

I will take a moment to step off the beaten path and to revel in the mysteries I encounter.

I will face challenges with courage and determination. I will try to overcome what barriers there may be which hinder my quest for growth and self-improvement.

I will take life one day at a time, one step at a time.

Discouragement will not be allowed to taint my positive self image, my desire to succeed or my capacity to love.

I walk with renewed faith in human kindness.

Regardless of what has gone before, I believe there is hope for a brighter and better future.

I am responsible for my own happiness and I will do things that make me happy.

I will admire the beautiful wonders of nature, listen to my favorite music, pet a kitten or puppy, and soak in a bubble bath.

Pleasure can be found in the most simple of gestures.

I will learn something new; I will try something different;

I will savor all the various flavors life has to offer.

I will change what I can and the rest I will let go.

I will strive to become the best me I can possibly be.

*This is a modified version of a wonderful New Year’s resolution making the rounds on the web. It really speaks to each of our Enchanted Selves!  Savor and enjoy.

~Author Unknown

January 24, 2007 | Filed Under Positive Psychology | Leave a Comment 

Women and Happiness

Google Blogs Alert for: "Women happiness"

Shodo Class-22nd of January,07
By japannow(japannow)
They wrote many words: Happy Celebration, left and right, women, happiness.A boy was playing with his toys and did not disturb us. Next shodo class will be on 8th of February starting at 11:00AM.
Tsukushiclub Activities – http://nipponnow.blogspot.com/index.html

I was so excited to step into another world via the miracles of Google Alerts.  You can go there to, by linking with the above address. Suddenly I was transported to, I think Japan.  I was looking at a picture of some women taking a Shodo Class. Truthfully, I’m not sure what that is.  I think it may be a form of print making.  Can anyone tell me?  Anyway the women were writing in Japanese the following : Happy Celebration, women, happiness.  What lovely words to put down on paper in an art form.  How wonderful to look at these words from the point of view of a Positive Psychologist.  To help women celebrate themselves and the worlds they create around themselves is such a joyful task.  When women are in touch with what makes us happy and when we have the confidence and courage to make sure that we bring  into our lives the right ingredients to be happy on a regular basis then we should celebrate!  Happiness is something that women can achieve again and again but like any other special quality in life it takes work.   

Thank you, Google Alerts for bringing to me a world I have never seen that contained the words I treasure and a picture of women working artistically to bring these words to life.  Wow, Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, www.enchantedself.com

January 23, 2007 | Filed Under Positive Psychology | Leave a Comment 

More on Happiness

Today, I was reading on line an article written by Mary in Nigeria, for a newspaper, www.thetidenews.com .  She commented on many aspects of happiness but what struck me most was the following:

"Children are experts in happiness more than adults.

Any adult who can carry the spirit of a child into the middle age or old age is a genius, for he will preserve the truly happy spirit God endowed in the young."

I agree with Mary.  Today we were visiting my grandchildren.  It was late in the afternoon and tempers were a little frayed, as well as we were all tired.  But the children knew how to be happy!  They simply set up a pretend wedding hall and married themselves to each other and then still all excited play-acting weddings, the dolls were wed.  It was lovely and very festive!  They danced around the room, we clapped and enjoyed and the children had once again reminded us how simple Happiness can really be!  Sometimes you just have to allow yourself to BE.

What do you think?  Dr. Barbara Becker Hosltein, www.enchantedself.com

January 21, 2007 | Filed Under Positive Psychology | 1 Comment 

If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands." Remember that song from your childhood?

Dear Readers,  I just found this article about women’s happiness.  I wanted to share it with you.  What do you think makes women happy?  I agree with a lot of what the author saids, but I also know that women need to work their way through THE SEVEN GATEWAYS of HAPPINESS to really sustain happiness.   I discuss these in a free paper you can get by writing to me at  Michael Byrd’s article.  drbarbara@enchantedself.com and asking for the paper on the Seven Gateways. I hope you will.  One of the areas I cover in the paper in Learning how to negotiate and Meet our needs.  If we don’t, we can end up miserable.  What do you think?  Meanwhile, take a look at Michael Byrd’s article:

If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands." Remember that song from your childhood

Sometimes I sing it to my kids and it always makes them laugh. Do you know if you’re happy?

Abe Lincoln said, "Most people are just about as happy as they make up their minds to be." Based on history, we know that Lincoln had tremendous personal, business and political problems throughout his entire life.

In order to overcome his many disappointments, bear his heavy burdens and accomplish all that he did, while still considering himself to be a happy person, Abraham Lincoln must have realized that he was responsible for his own happiness.

But, if that’s true, how do you create happiness? Is there a formula that we can use? And, if so, what is it?

Recently, British researchers interviewed and studied a wide selection of over a thousand men and women to find out what makes people happy. Their intention was to discover a formula for true happiness. Here’s what they found.

Whether you’re young or old, married or single, you probably already realize that men and women are different, right? After all, men are from Mars and women are from Venus. So therefore, the research results would have to reveal something that most of us already know – men and women find their happiness in different ways.

You’re probably aware of some of the ways, but others might surprise you. The women, for example, enjoyed being with family, felt good when they lost weight and said that sunny weather really turns them on. These were the specific daily events that, on the whole, were found to most influence women’s happiness.

Men, on the other hand, had a completely different list for their favorite happy events. The men’s happiness was most influenced by hobbies, sex and the victories of their favorite sports teams. So far, is anybody surprised?

But weren’t there any areas where men and women agreed? Happily, there were! Both found that, in priority order, good health, strong friendships and financial stability were at the top of their list. And that’s not all the grounds for mutual happiness.

This research proved that, without a doubt, what had the most influence on a person’s happiness was his or her general attitude about life. That included feelings about their past, adaptability to their present and expectations for their future. In other words, an optimistic, positive point of view creates happy feelings.

So, what’s "The Happiness Formula"? Just like Lincoln said, you have to first make up your mind to be happy and lay down a foundation of optimistic attitude. Changing your perspective to a positive outlook about your past, present and future can take some work, but happiness is worth it.

Next, you need to add health, friendships and financial stability. This means you take steps to get and stay healthy, cultivate relationships and effectively manage your finances.

After that, throw in a sprinkling of all the other male or female things that turn you on – depending on which you are. And, voila, according to research, you’ve got the natural formula for true happiness!

About the Author

Michael Byrd has over 18 years of education and experience in the fields of physical therapy, health, fitness and nutrition. Michael shares the many fish oil health benefits he has discovered as well as other nutritional breakthroughs that will help you to get happy and stay happy along with feeling better and staying healthy. Get your Free CD by visiting http://www.omega-3.us.

January 19, 2007 | Filed Under Uncategorized | Leave a Comment 

Blessings come in so many packages

Dear Readers,  Finally!  I have been able to access my blog again.  I’m so glad to be back.  I’m sharing with you some of my last e-mail newsletter as many of you many not know that I am a Positive Psychologist, focusing on women.  My mission is to educate women in the ways of the mind, body, spirit and heart that are instrumental in bringing happiness, purpose and meaning into our lives.  I’ve been developing the methods that led to happiness and well-being for over 15 years.  The methods I’ve developed come from my background as a psychologist, with over 25 years of treatment room expertise, as a school psychologist, again with over 25 years in the schools, as a teacher and many other resources I have brought into this educational process.  I hope you will write to me and we can discuss many of THE ENCHANTED SELF methods that I have developed.  Meanwhile, enjoy one of my articles about Positive Psychology for Women, utilizing Enchanted Self concepts.

Introduction to THE ENCHANTED SELF

 

by Dr. Barbara Becker

Holstein

Hello.  I’m Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein.  As many of you know I am a psychologist in private practice and I’ve written a book called THE ENCHANTED SELF – A Positive Therapy, which is available through www.amazon.com. I encourage finding out what’s good about ourselves rather than what’s bad, and seeing ourselves in a positive light; seeing the glass as half full rather than half empty, and recognizing that each of us are unique and in fact extraordinary in many ways, far from ordinary.

I’d like to tell you a little more about The Enchanted Self and get you involved in the process. I am probably a lot like you — busy, making a living, having a life, and trying to be a good family member.  One of the things I have realized is that there have been many times when I was not feeling really, really happy.  You’ve probably you’ve been there too–when you were not full of joy. This is a human predicament, but being a psychologist, I was interested in discovering more about it. Why don’t we walk around feeling elated more of the time?

I realized one factor immediately.  In our society it’s all hustle and bustle.  Many of us work overtime and often have more than one job. It seems like we’re frantic. We don’t even know how to get enough sleep. I started to think more about ourselves. What else is going on? I have discovered many things, particularly as I interviewed a group of women not in my practice. I found many of these women had indeed received negative messages growing up.  These negative messages certainly did not help them. For example, if you are told when you are a child, you’re dumb, that’s a stupid idea.  It really doesn’t help us. On the other hand, what I discovered when I interviewed these women was something extraordinary. These women were happy and joyful at least part of the time. They were tapping into their own talents and interests and using wonderful coping skills, yet not often recognizing their own successes or congratulating themselves.

I concluded that we often don’t recognize or document when we are really, really doing well or having a great time. Sometimes we know we’re in a good mood but then somebody puts us down and we let them! For example, we walk in the door after feeling pretty good on the way home from work a husband or wife says, "Did you do the errands, did you get this, did you do that?" If we haven’t or we forgot, we may feel suddenly criticized and the whole good mood disappears. Staying, and feeling happy, I began to see, is almost like a task. 

It’s a positive practice activity–just like feeling miserable is something that we practice. The more I thought about it, I realized that I’m responsible for my mood just as you’re responsible for your mood.  Although we can indeed blame lot of people when they have mistreated us, really there is something each of us has to learn about practicing joy. Over the years I began to conceptualize The Enchanted Self – A Positive Therapy, in terms of practicing positive, daily living. It began to take shape as a Recipe for Enchantment. In this recipe for enchantment, guess who is the most important, secret ingredient? The answer is, YOU ARE!

In any Recipe for Enchantment, you are the secret ingredient. It’s your uniqueness, your capacities to laugh or to have a good time, to take a little bit of money and make something still work, to be in a good mood and perk up someone else, to give a compliment, or make someone else happy. It is your particular talents that may be involved in throwing together a little birthday party for the local dog who just turned two, just because you want to have a birthday party today and it is nobody’s birthday.  Why not the big collie down the street? Whatever it is, the inventiveness, the spark, the fire–it comes from you. You are the secret, main ingredient. So stay part of my e-mail newsletter on enchantment for more information on how you can "get cooking" with joy and a daily sense of well-being.

 

Exercise: Recipe for Personal Pleasure

 

This activity is designed to be fun. It helps you to use your imagination to begin to focus on the ingredients you need to have a wonderful time.

Give yourself a quiet space, a pad of paper and a pen, and permission to daydream. Here we go. The world is your oyster. Plan out a day that takes you into account totally.

  • What would that day be like and what would you do?
  • What would the weather be like?
  • What would you wear?
  • Where would you go?
  • Who would be with you, if anyone?
  • What would you see?
  • How would you feel?
  • What would you eat that day?
  • What are some of the aromas that would please you that day?
  • What would be the highlight of the day?
  • How would you feel at the end of the day when you are ready to go to sleep?

     

  • Now pretend you’re looking back on that day.  What would you be most pleased about?

     

Taking this wonderful, imaginary day and make it closer to reality. What are some of the ingredients you would need to make this day come true? Here’s the practical part: brainstorm your list.

 

I hope you’ve enjoyed creating a Recipe for Personal Pleasure. Now enjoy your thoughts about this special day, but permit yourself to put it aside to simmer.

Come back to stir every once and a while. I hope that one of these times when you come back to stir, you will be ready to actually plan ahead and work on some real ways of bringing this day into reality.

Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, www.enchantedself.com

January 16, 2007 | Filed Under Positive Psychology | Leave a Comment 

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